Joining us in May: Alissa Krueger

Alissa is joining Birch Counseling as a graduate student intern from St. Mary’s University in the Counseling and Psychological Services program. She has over 15 years of experience in diverse administrative roles, collaborating with people from various backgrounds.

Alissa offers a warm, compassionate, and safe space to explore what matters most to clients. She believes every client deserves to feel heard, seen, and validated. She values humor to build connections and create a supportive space for growth.

Alissa works with adults, older adolescents, and couples. She uses an integrative approach that includes aspects of acceptance and commitment therapy, narrative therapy, motivational interviewing, and feminist therapy. As a mother, Alissa has a special interest in supporting individuals experiencing pregnancy and postpartum depression and anxiety. She is passionate about helping new parents navigate the challenges of expanding their family.

In her free time, Alissa enjoys reading at coffee shops, making arts and crafts with her children, and taking advantage of the many Minnesota lakes.  

Welcoming in December: Jane Gallagher, MA

Jane believes that people benefit from having a therapeutic supportive relationship in their life with someone who keeps their best interest in mind. Attending therapy can be a place to shift emotions, find movement from stuck places, and navigate toward an improved life. Jane approaches therapy with a person-centered, strengths approach, meaning she believes that the client has within them the resources and strengths needed to overcome life's challenges. She has a personable and easy going mindset to learn, understand, validate and accept the unique aspects of you. She uses skills like hypnotherapy, mindfulness, motivational interviewing, coaching, and reflective listening to hold space for the client to change at their own pace and in their own way. She would be happy to see you and would like to remind you of your innate strength and personal power. Jane completed her bachelor's degree in Psychology from Metropolitan State University and continued her education through certifications in Drug and Alcohol Counseling, Problem Gambling Counseling, Clinical Hypnotherapy, and Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR). She completed her Master's degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling in March of 2022 from Adler Graduate School. Her goal is to possess many therapeutic methods to meet your needs. Jane enjoys getting to know and understand people and working in the mental health, substance use disorder, and wellness fields. In her spare time, she spends time with her family and has fun dancing and finding bucket-list adventures in travel. Jane receives clinical supervision from a qualified, licensed supervisor until completion of full licensure.

Welcoming in June: Maddy Fiksdal, MA

Maddy has experience working in various roles and settings with adults and adolescents. She graduated with a master’s degree in Counseling for Co-Occurring Disorders from Hazelden Betty Ford Graduate School of Addiction Studies. She is a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor (LADC) and is currently under supervision while working toward Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) licensure.

Maddy is passionate about working with individuals ages 15+ who are experiencing trauma, addiction, anxiety and particularly enjoys working members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Maddy uses a person-centered lens and brings curiosity, empathy, compassion, and humor to her work. She creates a safe environment and builds strong therapeutic relationships. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) interventions are frequently used tools. Maddy is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).

Outside of work, Maddy enjoys spending time with friends and family. She loves crossword puzzles, watching movies, and reading. Maddy enjoys rock climbing and tries to be outdoors as much as possible.

Welcoming January 15: Student Therapist Kaelyn Dagon

Kaelyn currently is a graduate student at the Saint Mary’s Master’s Counseling and Psychological Services Program. She is working toward becoming a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC). Kaelyn received her bachelors degree in psychology from the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh. She is passionate about working with emerging adults, older adolescents, and professionals in education with a focus on life changes, stress, occupation burnout, goal-setting, performance enhancement, anxiety, and depression. She enjoys working with a diverse population of individuals from different backgrounds and cultures and believes in incorporating one's unique experience into their healing journey. She looks forward to building a safe and welcoming environment where clients are able to build skills in order to achieve their goals.  Kaelyn incorporate strategies and concepts from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, mindfulness based and strength based practices, Narrative Therapy, art therapy, and strengths-based approaches.

In her free time, Kaelyn I enjoys working out, listening to music, watching sports, painting and spending time with family and friends. 

JOINING US IN AUGUST: SONIA COBOS, MS

Sonia (she/her) is passionate about mental health and behavioral science and considers herself privileged to work in this field.  Sonia recently completed a Master’s degree in rehabilitation and addiction counseling. Her training was focused on addiction and mental health counseling, including the special needs of individuals living with disability, congenital or acquired.

Sonia takes a holistic and goal-oriented Adlerian approach. Informed by this perspective, Sonia believes that the person’s wholeness or holistic nature is irreducible, therefore considering parts of the personality while ignoring others undermines the understanding of the individual. Sonia likes to apply contextual psychology, family system theory, cognitive behavioral therapy, and motivational interviewing in her practice.

As an immigrant, Sonia is mindful of cultural influences as well as the trauma and generational trauma experienced by the immigrant and first and second generation Americans. She approaches multiculturalism as an enriching opportunity to expand our humanity and grow consciousness.

Sonia’s clinical training is patient centered and non-directive. Sonia’s research during graduate school was in neuroplasticity and the promotion of neurogenesis as part of the therapeutic approach for individuals with addictions and co-occurring mental illness.

Sonia enjoys working with individuals of all ages and backgrounds, and has special interest in helping those who experience addictions, domestic violence, developmental trauma, PTSD, grief and traumatic grief, and patients with long-term disability.

Announcing Men's Support Group: Swinging from Birches

We are pleased to announce the beginnings of a new support group, which will be facilitated by Birch Counseling provider Brian Rose, MA, LADC. This group is welcoming men who are facing questions about substance use as well as other pertinent life problems. The group will be held on Monday evenings, 5:00 - 6:30pm at our Hopkins location (904 Mainstreet, #200). If you are interested in becoming a member, please contact our front office at (866) 522-2472, ext. 0. They will be happy to schedule a pre-admission meeting with Brian, who will make sure you are a good fit for the group. This men’s group will be limited to a maximum of 8 active members.

Below is Brian Rose’s description of the group:

The pandemic has been tough. It has broken our connection with many sources of support and the routines that anchored us. This group’s purpose is to connect with other men for support to help answer questions about issues that have arisen in our lives, such as questions about substance use, interpersonal relationships, as well as anxiety and depression. While such issues may have predated the pandemic , the isolation of the lock-downs has made these concerns more visible and pressing for many.

Some of the topics discussed in this group will cover substance use, improving communication in our relationships, repairing connections with friends and family, coping with symptoms of anxiety and depression, and the facing lonliness that has increased with isolation. This will be a process group with a strong focus on learning to connect and trust others.

The group will meet Mondays, from 5:00pm to 6:30pm, in person. 

Birches

Poem by Robert frost

When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy's been swinging them.
But swinging doesn't bend them down to stay
As ice-storms do. Often you must have seen them
Loaded with ice a sunny winter morning
After a rain. They click upon themselves
As the breeze rises, and turn many-colored
As the stir cracks and crazes their enamel
Soon the sun's warmth makes them shed crystal shells
Shattering and avalanching on the snow-crust —
Such heaps of broken glass to sweep away
You'd think the inner dome of heaven had fallen.
They are dragged to the withered bracken by the load,
And they seem not to break; though once they are bowed
So low for long, they never right themselves:
You may see their trunks arching in the woods
Years afterwards, trailing their leaves on the ground
Like girls on hands and knees that throw their hair
Before them over their heads to dry in the sun.
But I was going to say when Truth broke in
With all her matter-of-fact about the ice-storm
I should prefer to have some boy bend them
As he went out and in to fetch the cows —
Some boy too far from town to learn baseball,
Whose only play was what he found himself,
Summer or winter, and could play alone.
One by one he subdued his father's trees
By riding them down over and over again
Until he took the stiffness out of them,
And not one but hung limp, not one was left
For him to conquer. He learned all there was
To learn about not launching out too soon
And so not carrying the tree away
Clear to the ground. He always kept his poise
To the top branches, climbing carefully
With the same pains you use to fill a cup
Up to the brim, and even above the brim.
Then he flung outward, feet first, with a swish,
Kicking his way down through the air to the ground.
So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having my lashed opened.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree,
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

Joining us July 1: Laura Linner, MA, LICSW

Laura (she/her) genuinely loves this work and brings authenticity, hope and humor to sessions with individuals and families. She considers it an honor to have the opportunity to walk alongside others in recognizing, accessing, and developing their own resiliency, and in building a rich, full and meaningful life (as they define it!). Laura is mindful of creating a non-judgmental, anti-oppressive, anti-racist, LGBTQIA-affirming space for the clients with whom she works. She views therapy as a collaborative process and values feedback from clients.

Laura’s foundational clinical training is in non-directive Rogerian client-centered therapy from her time as a clinical intern then post-graduate psychotherapy fellow in a group practice in Chicago. This humanistic approach continues to serve as the clinical underpinning of her work with clients. That being said, Laura takes an eclectic approach and aligns with concepts of clinical pragmatism – offering and using what therapeutic intervention works - tailored to each individual. Laura sees therapy as an opportunity to pause, reflect, and take an inventory of how our lives are going, identify what’s working and what isn’t, and make effective change in moving closer to the life we hope for ourselves. Laura brings an attitude of openness, curiosity and compassion with clients. She has benefitted greatly from her own therapy over the years and strives to provide a similarly beneficial experience to those with whom she has the honor of working with.

Laura is trained in, integrates, and draws from a number of therapeutic approaches including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, trauma-informed therapy (TF-ACT and TF-CBT), CBT for psychosis (CBT-p), ACT for psychosis, psychodynamic theory, polyvagal theory, motivational interviewing, harm-reduction, and also employs a neuroscientific lens to reinforce concepts of regulation, zones of optimal functioning and neuroplasticity/opportunity for growth and change. Laura is also trained in child-centered play therapy from when she worked with youth impacted by domestic violence.

Laura completed her graduate degree in clinical social work at The University of Chicago’s School of Social Service Administration. For the past four years, Laura has worked for the University of Minnesota Department of Psychiatry as an individual and family therapist specializing in first-episode psychosis and schizophrenia spectrum disorders. She has a passion for working with individuals and families in processing new diagnoses and identifying ways of being that work for all who are impacted in their own unique ways. Prior to this, Laura has experience providing therapy and support to individuals in life transitions, relationship challenges, identity exploration and development, finding a sense of meaning and purpose, working through grief and loss, coping with the impact of domestic violence and trauma, and effectively coping with life stressors. She has also worked both internationally and stateside in violence recovery services and human rights work. Diagnostically, Laura has experience working with individuals who have been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, PTSD, OCD, disordered eating, substance use disorders, mood disorders, dissociative disorders, and schizophrenia spectrum disorders.

Laura believes an individual is not their diagnosis, and joins alongside clients to explore meaning of diagnosis in a way that is adaptive and feels authentic to them.

Laura believes life and humans can be messy, confusing, amazing, doubtful, inspired, worried, scared, brave, determined, hopeless, hopeful and many more things all at the same time. Laura is inspired by people’s willingness and ability to move into discomfort, try new ways of being and make change in ways that feel valuable to them, and she is grateful for being able to provide support along the way.

When Laura isn’t working she enjoys reading, spending time with family and friends, snuggling her two cats, needlepointing, watching cooking shows, trying to learn to cook herself, playing outside and learning.

Welcoming in December: Amber Phelps

Amber (they/them) is a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor (LADC) and working toward becoming Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC). They are passionate about working with individuals, families, and couples by utilizing harm reduction, trauma-responsive care, and providing culturally affirming therapy to help people embrace recovery from a holistic approach. They are trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) to help survivors of trauma manage symptoms and to assist people to discover their hope from within to achieve their recovery goals. Amber uses a collaborative approach to therapy and is experienced with treating and diagnosing PTSD, depression, anxiety, dissociative disorders, substance use disorders, mood disorders, and schizophrenia spectrum disorders.

They have nearly 10 years of varied experience working with survivors of complex and historical trauma, people experiencing homelessness, substance use treatment, crisis intervention, case management, and community-based harm reduction programs. Amber graduated from St. Mary’s University of Minnesota with a MA in Counseling and Psychological Services and a Graduate Certificate in Addiction Studies. In addition to this, Amber has specialization in working with diverse populations as an intersectional, sex-positive, and social justice oriented therapist.

In their free time, Amber enjoys spending time with their family by hiking, thrift shopping, and going to concerts.

Welcoming in September: Alison Campbell, MSW, LICSW

We are very excited to announce the newest addition to the Birch Counseling Team: Alison Campbell, MSW, LICSW!

Alison enjoys working with both adult individuals and couples across the lifespan from all walks of life. She uses a holistic, mind-body perspective and recognizes that a wide range of past and present influences effect both our individual well being and our relationships. With a collaborative, kind and practical approach, Alison helps people explore patterns that may not be serving them and offers guidance and tools for better coping, balance and resiliency so that they can feel more empowered to make the changes they desire. She uses a strengths based, person centered approach with evidence based practices informed by a blend of frameworks. She has had extensive training in mindfulness and somatic practices.

Alison has experience addressing depression, anxiety, stress reduction, trauma, health issues, substance use, relationship difficulties, grief and loss and personal growth. She has lived on both coasts of the US and has worked with people in a variety of settings including low-come housing, correctional facilities, long term care facilities and hospice and community counseling centers. She received her Master’s degree in Social Work from Washington University in St Louis.

Alison has two children, enjoys good books, good cooking, meeting new people and being in the outdoors. She is also a certified yoga teacher.

Spotlight with Brian Borre: Metacognitive Therapy

Before we get into theory, or how this approach might apply to you, let’s take a detour into language. When used as a prefix in the English language, “meta-”, stemming from the Greek for “after” or “beyond”, means something that goes beyond, to be all-encompassing, or become transcendent. When “Meta” and “Cognitive” are put together, the result essentially means “thinking about thinking.” For example, have you ever had an experience where you’re certain you know the name of something--a person, product, or place--but you can’t recall it? This “tip of the tongue” experience is just one example of how metacognitions work to inform our everyday lives--we’re thinking about how we’re thinking. While most of our meta-processes aren’t so conscious, our metacognitions are in the background actively controlling and influencing our conscious experience of the world, 

Metacognitive Therapy (MCT) focuses on targeting and modifying our deeply held beliefs--the thinking about our thinking--that fosters states of perpetual worry, rumination, and/or fixation. For example, if you say to yourself, “worrying about this keeps me safe,” or “I have no control over my thoughts,” you are both observing your own thinkingand having thoughts about thinking. The goal of MCT is simple: identify, challenge, and reduce what they dub, “Cognitive-Attentional Syndrome” (CAS). CAS is an umbrella term that refers to the kinds of beliefs that imply: we need worry, are incapable of stopping worry, and would be better off if we hyperfocus on tackling each individual worry.  

You might be thinking to yourself, “Birch Counseling, this is starting to sound a lot like CBT,” (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). The truth is, you aren’t exactly wrong. In CBT, we are dealing with our thoughts. For example, if we were to use CBT to challenge our social anxiety, we might ask ourselves, “how likely will this outcome be, and will it be as bad as we’re thinking it will be?” Essentially, we identify an irrational thought and we challenge it with a more realistic lens. 

In comparison, with MCT, we are dealing with how we think about our thinking. We don’t give a lot of attention to the individual thoughts. Instead, we challenge the thinking around the thoughts themselves by asking ourselves, “should I spend my time worrying if the worry doesn’t make it less likely to happen? And if I already worried about it and made a decision, why am I re-worrying about this when I don’t have any new information?” This process, which encourages us to refuse to engage with unhelpful thinking, is called “Detached Mindfulness.” It works because it isn’t avoidance--it challenges people to view their worry and irrational beliefs as something that is outside of their core, observe the thoughts, stay non-reactive to them, and choose to respond without the preoccupation with worry about worried thinking. 

Why does Brian like it? Besides being a philosophical guy interested in all things “meta” (emotions, beliefs, and communication), Brian saw that CBT wasn’t always helpful with anxious, depressed, or addiction-driven thinking. From his perspective, it can be equally harmful to hyper-focus on our worry if we feel utterly incapable of controlling or changing it. He thinks about it like “giving in to a screaming toddler you know is just seeking attention because they want something from you, and you don’t know how to handle the upset anymore. Ultimately, it doesn’t help you, or them, to keep caving in or feeling totally helpless to stop it.” Instead, you can learn how to provide the tantruming child in your brain--the anxiety, depression, or addiction monster’s voice--the reassurance that you know what’s best, have a plan, can essentially “pivot” yourself out of the situation, or rebound if you make a mistake. It deflates the tantrum in your brain. And that’s a powerful tool. 

If you think Brian might be a fit for you, or have any additional questions about metacognitive therapy, please feel free to reach out to our team at BizOffice@birchcounseling.com. 

References:

1. https://mct-institute.co.uk/therapy/

2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6246690/#:~:text=Conclusions%3A%20Our%20findings%20indicate%20that,psychotherapies%2C%20including%20cognitive%20behavioral%20interventions.

3. https://mental-health-matters.com/what-is-metacognitive-therapy-and-how-can-it-help-anxiety/

4. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00031/full

Welcoming in May: Brian Rose, MA, LADC

Brian worked as a professional bicycle mechanic for 29 years. This allowed him to travel around the country and connect with people from all over. He enjoys spending time on the bike, meeting people and trying to learn to fly a drone. 

After working in the bicycle industry for so long he found himself working for a non-profit that focused on underserved communities. He  envisioned doing more for people and decided to change careers. His own journey with mental health and recovery lead him down the path to becoming a counselor. He earned his master’s degree in Addiction counseling and advanced practice from Hazelden Betty Ford Graduate School. He received a Bachelor’s in Psychology with a religious studies minor (focused on Islam) from Hamline University. 

Brian believes that his clients are the experts in their own lives. He brings an existential approach to therapy that focuses on meaning, purpose and personal identity. Brian feels his role in the therapeutic relationship is to create an environment where a sense of safety and acceptance allow for openness and collaboration.  Brian enjoys working with clients on topics around culture, identity and helping find where they meet.

The Winter is Coming: Managing Mental Health Outside of Therapy

Those ominous words from Game of Thrones have taken on totally new (and dare we say intensified) meaning to Minnesotans this year. In an average year, the National Institute on Mental Health reports that Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) impacts millions of Americans annually, lasts 40% of the year, and disproportionately impacts people living in the Northern parts of the country. This year, compounded by the pandemic, people who study and suffer from mental health are expecting this winter to be one of the worst on record. And similar to how hospital beds fill up with patients when there’s a virus outbreak, therapists have started filling up as we start to deal with the first wave of the mental health crisis. 

 So what do you do if you need to supplement therapy, can’t find a therapist, or don’t have the resources to get regular mental health care? We’ve got some tips to help you fight the good fight at home. 

1. Try An App or Two

   • Track your mood so you know where you are at in an objective way: Daylio and eMoods are two popular choices, but there are many more to explore!

   • Practice your skills at home with ACT iCoach, What’s Up, or DBT Diary Card

   • Increase your practice of caring for you: Happy Not Perfect, Grateful, and Sleep Cycle help you take the headache out of self-care.

   • Use an app to use less apps: OffTime helps take the shaming out of screen-time management

2. Offline Solutions

   • Workbooks: There are so many, it’s hard to know where to start! You can find one based on an issue (anxiety, depression, self-esteem) or pick based on a particular approach that appeals to you (ACT, CBT, DBT). Whichever you choose, these can be great ways to increase insight, coping, and positive change.

   • SAD Lamp: Sure, it may seem silly, but these powerful lamps help you get your daily dose of sunshine, even on the most cloudy of days.

   • Body Maintenance: We all know to eat right, exercise, and take care of our bodies, and try to do it when we have the time and energy to. When we aren't attuned to our bodies, it can be easy to ignore or explain things away that actually might have an organic cause. Going to your doctor and making sure your vitamin levels are at their levels and that we have optimized what we have control over can be empowering. If you think it's needed or appropriate, talk to them about your mood and if any if there are any solutions, natural or pharmaceutical, that might be appropriate. We do maintenance updates on our phones and cars... we might as well do it for ourselves, too.

3. Done Everything? Try Alternative Solutions:

   • Healing crystals: Change up the energy in your life and ground yourself with some stones

   • Try something natural: Harvard Medical School found some benefits to things like St. John's Wort and Omega-3 Fats for mental health.

   • Try a homeopathic solution: Acupuncture, Massage, and Aroma Therapy might not feel as legitimate, but their benefits have been well researched and studied. If you've tried everything else, it might be worth a new approach.

4. Get Fancy (When/If Appropriate)

   • Meditate, with training wheels: Use a brain-sensing headband and app combination, like Muse, to give you bio-feedback on how you're doing on your practice of daily meditation.

   • Get your frequency right: Brain stimulators, like Fisher Wallace, can be helpful in treating and managing chronic issues of insomnia, depression, and anxiety.

   • Get your rhythm right: HearMath is a program to get your heart and your brain in sync.

Still unsure about how you're going to make it through the winter, give us a call or email us and we'll be happy to connect you to the right resources for you!

Stress in a Stressful Time

Even if your life before this year was relatively smooth sailing, likely, you are not making it through this year unscathed. After all, who could mentally prepared for civil unrest, unemployment, natural disasters, and a global pandemic all at once?

The dramatic events of 2020 are especially difficult for those with a trauma history. People with trauma include those whose past is marked by economic insecurity, frequent moving, homelessness, food insecurity, sudden or unexpected loss, or medical trauma.

Trauma survivors typically develop an “Early Warning System,” alerting against perceived danger. For example, suppose your parents fought a lot when you were a child. In that case, you are likely to be especially sensitive to tension, conflict, or discord around you. This additional sensitivity offers insight as to why today’s upheavals are incredibly stressful for trauma survivors.

 If this sounds like you or someone you know, what can you do?

Become fully aware of your feelings and name them.

If you’re watching the news at home and feel panic starting to flood your system, become consciously aware of your reactions. After acknowledging your feelings, recall that you have heightened sensitivity to current events because of your past traumas. Try watching the feelings as, in most cases, they will fade in time. Also, this is an excellent time to change your environment, like going for a walk.

Use your support system.

By putting your truth on the table with someone you trust and acknowledging the impact it’s having on you, you’re gaining control over the uncontrollable. You’re also modeling to others that it’s okay for them to share with you. If you have a limited support system, it might help do some resourcing online or in therapy.

Self-care is important.

Stretching, yoga, journaling, meditation, cooking, or watching comedy can help you feel safe and present. Taking good care of ourselves requires making your needs a priority. As we take better care of ourselves, we will show up as a better partner, parent, worker, and friend.  

If what helps you happens to be watching puppy videos on Instagram, please tag us so we can also enjoy a little puppy Prozac!

Be kind to yourself.

The world was stressful before 2020, and it certainly doesn’t seem to be winding down any time soon. Allow yourself to feel sad, scared, stressed, exhausted—whatever comes up. Give yourself time to acknowledge and validate these feelings. You may find it helpful to acknowledge at least one positive for every negative thing you noticed.Are you struggling to go back into the office? Remember that you now have half the traffic you used to  Struggling trusting yourself? Remember, it’s okay to not feel like the authority after your entire world has changed. Ask someone you trust what their honest evaluation is of the situation.

Making small adjustments like this work to help you to keep you in balance.

If there was ever an appropriate time to feel a little crazy, this is it. If you find that your internal alarms are going off an awful lot lately, remember you are hardly alone, and at least you know your system is working! Finally, if you are struggling to turn them off, we are happy to connect you with help. Feel free to call us at 866-522-2472 or drop us a line at bizoffice@birchcounseling.com.  

Accepting what is versus chasing happy

Somewhere, somehow most of us have learned that a happy life means never having to feel anything other than positive emotions.  When sadness visits, or anger, or disappointment, it feels sick, like something is wrong with us. It feels as though we are not enough, our lives are not enough.  We try to distract from negatives and chase happy feelings, only to fall short again and again.

What if we could learn to work with these “negative” feelings in a way that better informs us?  Accepting and being curious about the entire range of our emotions can help us become more compassionate, healthy and ultimately more resilient.  

Social Media and Teen Mental Health

A study recently published in JAMA suggests social media use among teenagers is significantly correlated with increasing suicide rates. The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services suggests 71% of pre-teens, teenagers and young adults use more than one social media site. The most popular social media platforms are Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube. Day-to-day usage can include messaging, video chatting, picture posting, blogging, article sharing, among many others. Essentially, young people today are connecting with each other online far more than face-to-face.

Teens spend dozens of hours a week scrolling, posting, and reading, and increasingly data confirm this comes at a high cost. Social media makes it easy to airbrush experiences and life events, leaving out details about the mundane, the struggles and difficulties. Young people are particularly vulnerable to these distortions as their sense of self is still in the process of developing, and peers are highly influential. “Who am I compared to others” is one of their top concerns, and when you compare yourself to airbrushed profiles, you tend to come up short. Increasing numbers of young people report feeling inadequate, jealous, anxious and depressed.

If you think social media may be affecting your mental health or the health of someone you know, consider these tips:

• Turn off your notifications for at least a few hours each day (which you can gradually increase); put your phone in “Airplane” mode or “Do Not Disturb”.

• Delete apps that contribute to unhealthy body image or other feelings of inadequacy. Add apps that help you feel better about yourself or inspire you to engage in healthy behaviors. Meditation apps can be a better use of your time, for example: Calm, Insight Timer, and Headspace. 

• Use an alarm clock instead of relying on your phone as an alarm to prevent you from using your phone the minute you wake up.

• Take a day off from social media to focus on other things. Sunday is a good suggestion since it is a day when you probably aren’t in school or at work.

• Consider putting your phone in grayscale. This makes your phone less enticing to look at. With the colorful apps and notifications changed to gray, they may be easier to ignore.

• Set boundaries or only certain times when you can check your notifications.

• Start a habit of placing your phone near the door when you come home — doing it with a friend, partner, or family member can help you stay motivated and accountable! Make a plan with a group of friends to spend more time hanging out in person and less time interacting via social media.

• If you are a parent wanting to learn more about how to limit your child or teenager’s social media use, check out these additional tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

When Empathy Hurts You – Part 2: Minnesota Nice

Having been born and raised in Minnesota, I am very familiar with “Minnesota nice” and the expectations that go along with it.  I have heard that he or she is “so nice” and knew from a young age that being “nice” was something important and valued in our culture.

We all likely know someone who presents as nice all the time – they are pleasing, agreeable, delightful. These individuals often have many friends and their kindness and selflessness is praised. Giving of oneself – often to the point of having nothing left to give – is seen as a virtue.
 
But what if we have this all wrong?

What if anger, dissatisfaction or other forms of unpleasant feelings are just part of the normal range of emotions and not giving them a voice or allowing them to be expressed can cause you harm?
 
Gabor Mate in this youtube video, speaking about his book “When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress” highlights the importance learning how to express our anger in a healthy way arguing that unhealthy emotional expression (particularly anger) can have disastrous effects on not only our emotional health but our physical health as well.

Mate describes that each individual has two vital tasks in life: to attach to others and to be authentic. Babies are able to pick up on the stress of their caregivers and if they determine that the caregiver is too stressed out to care for their needs they will shut down and suppress their feelings thus compromising authenticity for the sake of the attachment.

The problem is that as adults we continue this pattern. He argues that there are three ways to deal with anger:

1.      Repress – which can come out as being nice
2.     Giving in – which can be displayed by acting it out
3.     Healthy processing of our anger – setting boundaries, talking about it and funneling the energy into healthy expressions

Mate outlines that our emotional systems mirror our immune system and when we do not take care of ourselves by setting boundaries and being authentic to our feelings it will show up in physical illness – autoimmune diseases and if you tend to repress, and heart attacks and stroke if you tend to give in. The risk of the healthy processing of anger, particularly in setting boundaries and saying “no” is that others may choose to not stick around but the costs may be even more disastrous.

It can be a helpful mental switch to view setting boundaries as an act of kindness since you are showing others that you value, respect and care for yourself. It seems time that “Minnesota Nice” applies to ourselves as well!

Wally, the Pig - Animal Inspiration

Recently, there was a story about a pig named Wally.

He was a pig being taken to a slaughterhouse on a truck. But, instead of ending up as bacon, he made a decision to escape. And, he took action.

Pigs are pretty intelligent animals, but Wally didn’t sit and think about all the potential variables before making a decision. Wally simply chose to act. Turns out, his decision to act not only saved his life, but made him the happy pig he is now.

We can all learn something from Wally’s story: that we need to act boldly, fall forward. Far too often we get stuck in a cycle of endless “what if” deliberations.  We try to solve problems we’ll likely never face, and so choose to stay stagnant because it feels safer than the unknown. As smart as we are, we will never be able to predict or control all of the variables in our lives.  What we can do is work out any issues that immediately concern us now, then act and move forward.  

Don’t be like the other pigs on the slaughterhouse truck. Be like Wally.  Consider what step you can take right at this moment to get out of the situation that keeps you stuck. Then, with courage and all the integrity you can muster, take action. Trust that, whatever the outcome, it’ll be better than staying on the truck.

Seeking Help for Opioid Addictions

Opioid addiction and deaths are on the rise. In 2016, 20,101 died from opioid overdoses.  Movies like “Trainspotting” and now “Trainspotting 2” have brought some of the realities and problems of opioid use to the public eye, but perhaps glorify it unintentionally. 

For whatever reasons are causing this trend, opioid overdoses on drugs like heroin continue to be one the rise. But, how does a doctor or a friend help someone with these addictions or even in the throws of an overdose? 

A Safe and Tested Solution
A medication called Naloxone has been used since 1961 by paramedics and first responders in 28 states to reverse the effects ofdrug overdoses. Naloxone is administered either through the nose (intranasal), as an intramuscular injection, or intravenously.

In the United States, naloxone is classified as a prescription medication, but is not a controlled substance. While it is legal to prescribe naloxone in every state, dispensing the drug by medical professionals (including physicians or other licensed prescribers) at the point of service is subject to rules that vary by jurisdiction. 

Obtaining Naxolone
In most states, you can purchase naloxone from a pharmacist directly without getting a prescription from a doctor. In Australia, as of February 1, 2016, naloxone is now available over-the-counter (OTC) in pharmacies without a prescription. It comes in single use filled syringe similar to law enforcement kits. In Canada, naloxone single-use syringe kits are distributed and available at various clinics and emergency rooms.

Avoiding Long-Term Complications
The sooner an opioid overdose is treated, the better, because it’s not just death that is the worry, but permanent brain damage and other injuries related to overdose. Even if you are not sure if someone is suffering an opioid overdose, Naloxone has been found to be safe and would have no effect on anyone without opioids in their system. The benefits of increasing availability of naloxone outweigh the risks. 

If you or someone you know has an opioid problem, get help as soon as possible in order to save their life. 

Are You in a Relationship with a Gaslighter?

What is Gaslighting? 
The term “gaslighting” is derived from the movie Gaslight (1944), in which a husband manipulates his wife until she thinks she’s losing her mind.   

This manipulation tactic is used in all kinds of relationships because, sadly, it’s effective. No matter who you are, you are susceptible. 

Why does it work? 
Gaslighters know confusion weakens us because we need a personal sense of reality. Their goal is to consistently make you question what you saw, heard or noticed. Over time, you may doubt your own perceptions.  Ultimately, you may give up and defer to the manipulator as the source of your truth and power.

How do you know when someone is gaslighting you? Ask yourself these questions: 

Do they deny their words or actions even in the face of verifiable proof? 
People who gaslight you tell blatant lies. You know they took the car keys. You saw it five minutes ago. Yet, they still deny they have them. This is a method to make you question your own reality.

Do they attack what’s most important to you? 
Kids are important to you. But they constantly tell you you shouldn’t have them. You’d be an unfit parent. 

Do they project their negative traits onto you? 
They lie. Constantly. When you confront them, they say that you are not smart enough to understand them.  They may suggest that you are the liar, not them. You end up having to defend yourself instead of discussing the problem. 

Do they tell others that you are crazy?
They isolate you by inviting people who support you to question your sanity. This is usually cloaked in grave concern for your welfare. 

Do they say that everyone is a liar? 
By telling you that everyone but them is a liar, it makes you question reality. The goal is to give them the position of power as the only source for the "correct" information.

Do you feel like you have no one to turn to?
People who gaslight you are usually charming.  They manage to get people close to you on their side, so you feel isolated. 

Are they randomly awesome, supportive, appreciative of you?
Gaslighters throw occasional niceties into their long string of interactions that are aimed at devaluing you. This is what hooks you, because after they succeeded in having you feel terrible for so long, a break feels incredibly welcoming.  You’ll want to believe they changed, and that everything will be different now.  You’ll believe this even if, or especially when, you’ve been around this cycle multiple times.  You look so nice today.  I’m lucky to have you.  I made your favorite meal, just for you.  You look tired, why don’t you take a break?  Let’s go out to your favorite restaurant tonight, it’ll help you feel better. It’s always short-lived, and it’s part of the gaslighting process.  It makes you feel they care, that you had really just misunderstood them, that, deep down, they have a good heart.  This will make you stay longer.

Are you starting to question your own grasp on reality despite data points not adding up?
Please remember: when stories consistently don’t add up, it means that they really don’t.  They are filled with lies, half-truths and intended omissions.  Trust your instincts. 

Have you decided it’s just easier to not say anything, even when you feel something’s very wrong?  
A person who gaslights wins by attrition, by wearing you down over time until you question yourself and avoid bringing up what concerns you.  

If you think you may be in a relationship with a person who gaslights you, it’s time to find someone who can help. Contact a family member or friend outside the manipulator's circle of loyalty, or contact a therapist to help you get out of this toxic relationship

The Connection Between Facebook and Depression

We live in a world of social media addiction and a virtual world that isn’t real. We’re online constantly: at home, work, the bus, school, and simply whenever we have down time. We’re barraged by what people choose to share — the best of themselves, and what they want you to believe about their lives. 

No doubt about it, there are psychological effects of this new digital age that are only just being uncovered. 

Depression and Social Media
Recently, researchers at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine conducted a study about the effects of social media habits on the moods of users. 

This research found that the more time young adults use social media, the more likely they feel  depressed.

According to their study, participants used social media 61 minutes per day and visited various social media accounts 30 times per week on average and more than a quarter of them were classified as having “high” indicators of depression.

How could Social Media cause Depression?
What we present on social media isn’t necessarily the truth of our lives. Rather, most are aware it's a thin veneer of a highly edited, idealized and exaggerated version of who we'd like to be. Still, it tends to bring out feelings of envy, a sense that others are happier than we are or living a more successful life.

Despite recognizing the shallowness of social media content, many still feel stuck in constant participation, then end up feeling empty, lost in meaningless exchanges that feel like a waste of time.

Spending significant time online exposes social media participants to cyber-bullying, invites gossip and judgment from others. While many who struggle with depression may use social media to fill a void, exposure also can strengthen depression, and so create a vicious cycle.

What can I do? 
Set limits on how often you are on social media. Seek out offline interactions with friends and family. If you can, stop using a smart phone — the tendency to check updates and alerts is ever-present, and often they are not important. 

If you find that you are unable to control your online behavior, seek professional help to break the compulsive cycle.