A toxic dance: Empaths and Narcissists in love

The dynamic between an empath and a narcissist is often described as a magnetic yet destructive dance. Empaths, with their deep capacity for understanding and absorbing others’ emotions, are naturally drawn to narcissists, who thrive on attention and admiration. This relationship, while initially compelling, can become a breeding ground for emotional turmoil and abuse. Let’s explore the characteristics of both, why they’re drawn to each other, and the challenges they face.

Understanding the Empath

Empaths are highly sensitive individuals who feel emotions deeply—both their own and those of others. They are often compassionate, intuitive, and driven by a desire to help or heal. Key traits include:

• Emotional attunement: They sense others’ feelings, often taking them on as their own.

• Selflessness: Empaths prioritize others’ needs, often at their own expense.

• Intuitive insight: They can read situations and people with remarkable accuracy.

These qualities make empaths natural caregivers, but they also leave them vulnerable to those who seek to exploit their kindness.

Understanding the Narcissist

Narcissists are characterized by a seemingly insatiable need for validation, a sense of entitlement, and a lack of genuine empathy. Their traits, often associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), include:

• Grandiosity: An inflated sense of self-importance.

• Need for admiration: They crave constant attention and validation.

• Lack of empathy: They struggle to understand or care about others’ feelings.

Narcissists tend to display charm and confidence, which many find captivating. Empaths, highly sensitive to emotional needs, are drawn to the hidden fragility and insecurity beneath this facade.

The Attraction: A Perfect Storm

The empath-narcissist relationship is fueled by complementary needs. The narcissist’s charisma and confidence draw the empath in, who sees someone in need of love or healing. The empath’s nurturing nature feeds the narcissist’s desire for admiration, creating an initial sense of harmony. However, this dynamic is rarely sustainable.

• The empath’s pull: Empaths believe they can “fix” or save others, and a narcissist’s outward confidence may mask insecurities that the empath feels compelled to soothe.

• The narcissist’s pull: Narcissists are drawn to empaths because they provide an endless supply of attention, validation, and emotional support.

This mutual attraction creates a powerful bond, but it tilts heavily in the narcissist’s favor.

A Toxic Cycle

After the initial euphoria wears off, narcissists like to use put-downs as a deliberate tactic to gain control over their partners, leveraging criticism to undermine their confidence and independence. By belittling their partner’s achievements, appearance, or worth, they create a power imbalance, fostering dependency and self-doubt. These subtle or overt insults—ranging from mocking comments to dismissive behaviors—are designed to keep the partner seeking approval, thus reinforcing the narcissist’s dominance. This manipulation feeds the narcissist’s need for admiration while eroding the partner’s sense of self, trapping them in a cycle of emotional reliance.

Their toxic cycle is marked by:

• Emotional drain: The narcissist’s demands exhaust the empath’s energy.

• Manipulation: Tactics like gaslighting and blame-shifting leave the empath questioning their reality.

• Loss of self: The empath’s identity fades as their needs are sidelined.

• Power imbalance: The narcissist’s need for control overshadows the empath’s desire to please.

Over time, the empath feels trapped and exhausted, while the narcissist grows frustrated by their depleted partner’s growing inability to meet their needs.

Breaking the Cycle

For empaths, breaking free from a narcissist’s grip requires self-awareness and boundary-setting. Here are some steps to consider:

1. Recognize the pattern: Understanding the narcissist’s behavior and its impact is the first step toward change.

2. Set boundaries: Empaths must learn to prioritize their own needs and say “no” to excessive demands.

3. Seek support: Therapy or support groups can help empaths rebuild their sense of self and learn healthy coping mechanisms.

4. Limit contact: Reducing or cutting contact with the narcissist may be necessary to regain emotional balance.

For narcissists, change is more challenging, as self-awareness is often limited. However, therapy can help address underlying insecurities and foster healthier relationships.

Can it Work?

In rare cases, with mutual effort and professional support, an empath and a narcissist might find a healthier balance. This requires the narcissist to acknowledge their behavior and work toward change, while the empath maintains strong boundaries. More often, however, the relationship remains unsustainable without significant personal growth from both parties.

Final Thoughts

The empath-narcissist dynamic is a complex interplay of emotional giving and taking. While the initial connection can feel electric, it usually leads to pain and imbalance. For empaths, recognizing their worth and learning to protect their energy is key. For narcissists, self-reflection and a willingness to grow can pave the way for healthier connections. Understanding this relationship dynamic can help both parties navigate their interactions with greater clarity and self-awareness.

If you’re feeling stuck in a harmful relationship dynamic, we’re here to help you find support. Connect with one of our therapists by calling us at (866) 522-2472.

Joining us July 14: Kelly Olson, MA

We are thrilled to announce that Kelly Olson will be joining our team soon!

Kelly understands that sometimes we feel overwhelmed by the ups and downs of life, like a kaleidoscope of shifting emotions and experiences. Whether you’re an adult trying to have everything "figured out," a teenager navigating daily pressures, or a college student juggling school and life, it can be a lot to handle. Kelly’s approach to therapy is person-centered and strengths based, emphasizing that the client has within them the resources needed to overcome life’s challenges; it is a matter of uncovering and utilizing these skills. She has a personable, easy-going mindset and utilizes skills such as mindfulness, motivational interviewing, and reflective listening to hold space for clients to change in their own way and at a pace that is comfortable for them.

Kelly graduated with her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from the University of North Georgia and then continued on to receive a master’s degree in Professional Counseling from Liberty University. In her spare time Kelly loves to read, write, spend time outdoors, and spend time with her family and three cats. Kelly is receiving clinical supervision from a qualified, licensed supervisor until completion of full licensure.  

Anger: undermining strength and connection

Anger is a complex emotion. When directed at us, it feels uncomfortable, even threatening. Yet, when we experience it ourselves, it can feel exhilarating—a surge of righteousness that makes us feel superior or powerful. But this power is an illusion. Anger, in fact, erodes our control, clouding our judgment as our brain shifts into fight-or-flight mode. In this state, clear thinking takes a backseat, and we start to see ourselves as victims, blaming others for our distress. This mindset fractures relationships, isolates us from loved ones, and makes others hesitant to approach us with anything that might trigger a reaction.

The Strength of Staying Calm

Think about the people in your life who stay calm under pressure. Their quiet confidence pulls others toward them, radiating strength without effort. Animals can teach us this too. My dog, Mojo, had a commanding presence but rarely reacted to provocation. If a pesky pup annoyed him, he’d respond with a gentle paw, nothing more, and otherwise remained steady. This restraint made him trustworthy. Even people who usually disliked dogs were drawn to him, charmed by his calm, magnetic demeanor. In his entire life, Mojo showed aggression only twice—both times justified, measured, and in tune with the cues around him. His composure earned respect and forged connections, showing that true power comes from self-control.

Another example might be Mike Ehrmantraut from Better Call Saul. He embodies staying focused on what matters. While also deeply flawed, this character’s strength lies in his ability to keep the big picture in view. Mike doesn’t waste energy on petty insults or minor threats. When action is required, he responds decisively, calm and composed, never letting emotions cloud his judgment. This self-control makes him formidable—not through loudness or aggression, but through quiet resolve.

The Power of Managing Anger

Managing anger doesn’t diminish your strength—it amplifies it. By recognizing your internal triggers early, you can distinguish between real threats and mere annoyances. Most of what sparks anger falls into the latter category. When you learn to address these moments calmly, you create space for clearer communication and stronger connections. People relax around you. They listen more attentively because they’re not on edge, bracing for a fight-or-flight response. Over time, you may find that trust flows both ways: you trust others more, and they trust you. You begin to see others as human, just like you, capable of mistakes but also worthy of understanding.

A Simple Way to Start

You can begin managing your anger today, starting with a common trigger: traffic. The next time someone cuts you off, pause and imagine their story. Perhaps they’ve had a rough day—maybe they lost their job or are worried about a sick child. Picture them as someone who, like you, has struggled to feel loved or understood, resorting to aggression as a way to cope. Craft a story rooted in compassion. You’ll be surprised how this shift in perspective softens your reaction. That same compassion you extend outward often returns, fostering kinder thoughts about yourself and others. As you let go of the victim mindset, your life opens up to new possibilities.

By choosing calm over chaos, you reclaim your power and build stronger, more trusting relationships. Start small, stay mindful, and watch how your world transforms.

If you’re seeking help with managing anger, our team is happy to connect you with one of our therapists. Contact us at (866) 522-2472 to get started.

Understanding OCD: Beyond Everyday Language

The word “obsession” gets thrown around a lot these days—like saying you’re “obsessed” with a TV show or a new hobby. But using the term so casually can water down its real meaning, especially when it comes to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). In the mental health world, an obsession isn’t just liking something a lot. It’s a persistent, unwanted thought, urge, or image that barges into your mind and causes serious stress or anxiety.

Similarly, people often jokingly say they’re “so OCD” because they like things neat or organized. But being tidy isn’t the same as having OCD. OCD is a serious condition that involves distressing thoughts and often leads to repetitive behaviors to try to ease the anxiety. Calling someone “OCD” because they like a clean desk can make light of what people with OCD actually go through.

What Obsessions really look like in OCD

To give you a clearer picture, here are some common types of obsessions people with OCD might experience, based on tools like the Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsive Scale (Y-BOCS):

• Worrying you might accidentally hurt someone

• Disturbing or violent images popping into your head

• Fear of causing something terrible, like a car accident or a house fire

• Constant stress about getting sick or spreading germs

• Unwanted sexual thoughts or images

• Worrying about offending your beliefs or morals

• Feeling like everything needs to be “perfectly” right or wrong

• Needing things arranged in a certain way to avoid something bad

• Feeling driven to remember or know specific details

• Fear of saying something wrong or inappropriate

• A nagging need for things to feel “just right”

These aren’t passing thoughts or quirky preferences. They’re intrusive, upsetting, and can make you feel trapped, often pushing you to do things to try to calm the anxiety.

How Compulsions Fit In

With OCD, obsessions often come with compulsions—actions or mental rituals you feel compelled to do to ease the stress from those thoughts. For example, if you’re terrified of germs, you might wash your hands over and over. Or if you’re scared you might harm someone, you might keep checking to make sure you didn’t. These actions might feel like they help for a moment, but they actually keep the cycle of anxiety going, which is why getting professional help is so important.

Evidence Based Treatment for OCD

The good news is OCD can be managed. The most effective treatment is called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). It works by slowly helping you face your fears without giving in to the compulsions. Over time, this reduces the power of those obsessive thoughts and helps you feel more in control.

Seeking Help

If you or someone you care about is dealing with persistent, upsetting thoughts or feels stuck doing rituals to manage anxiety, it’s worth talking to a professional. Look for a mental health therapist who knows OCD well or has training in treating it. Getting help can make a big difference in feeling better and living life more fully.

We’re here to help you find the right therapist. Call (866) 522-2472 to set up a consultation.

Love, Laughs, and Online Dating Disasters: The Wild Ride of Romance

Picture this: you’re in a new relationship, your heart’s doing somersaults, and you’re practically glowing like a human lightbulb. Love, or even the hint of it, is one of life’s greatest plot twists. A fresh romance can make your mental and physical health do a happy dance, spark hope in the grumpiest of hearts, and light up your life like fireworks. We humans are basically hardwired for connection. Give us joy, devotion, and a partner who laughs at our bad puns, and we’re as satisfied as a cat in a sunbeam. Those early days of a budding romance? Pure magic. Butterflies in your stomach? Check. Anxiety that you might accidentally send a text meant for your bestie to your new crush? Double check.

The Wild World of Modern Dating

Thanks to the internet, finding a date is now as easy as swiping right while binge-watching your favorite show. Dating apps have turned romance into a buffet of options—there’s someone for everyone, from “loves long walks on the beach” to “owns 17 ferrets and a questionable collection of novelty socks.” But let’s not kid ourselves: for every match that seems made in heaven, there’s a profile pic that screams, “I peaked in 2008.” Putting yourself out there is tough, especially if your heart’s been through the wringer. What if they see the real you—the one who sings off-key in the shower and cries at pet adoption commercials? What if they ghost you? Worse, what if you ghost yourself by overthinking every text you send?

But here’s the million-dollar question: What if it all works out? Sure, you can heal and grow solo (props to you, self-love warriors). Relationships form like a science experiment where you mix equal parts vulnerability, hope, and awkward first-date stories. Stick it out past the honeymoon phase—when the rose-tinted glasses come off and you realize your partner leaves dishes in the sink and snores like a lawnmower—and you might just discover transformative magic.

The Partner Pick: Choose Wisely, Laugh Often

A partner won’t “make” you happy. But they can be the cherry on top of your life’s sundae or the soggy lettuce in your sandwich. Trust your gut—it’s like your internal GPS, even if it occasionally leads you to a drive-thru at 2 a.m. A healthy relationship is worth the rollercoaster of worry and uncertainty, like when you’re wondering if they’ll text back or if they’re just “busy.” Pick someone who vibes with your dreams, whether that’s building a cozy life together or a great adventure. But let’s be real: nobody’s perfect. We’re all lovably imperfect—like, “I forgot how to flirt but I’m great at tripping over my own feet” imperfect. Dating is a messy and sometimes hilarious adventure, and wherever you are on the journey—swiping, crying, or sending memes to your crush—it’s all part of the ride.

Surviving the Dating Jungle

So, how do you navigate this jungle of heart emojis and poorly lit selfies? First, embrace the chaos. Dating is not supposed to be easy. Laugh at the bad dates (like the guy who brought his mom to dinner) and learn from the heartbreak (even the one who dumped you via Post-it note). Keep your heart open. Even if you trip over a few duds, you might stumble into someone who thinks your weird laugh is adorable and doesn’t mind that you quote The Office in every conversation.

In the end, dating is about finding someone who sticks around when the going gets tough, and who maybe, just maybe, loves your quirky, imperfect self as much as you’re learning to. So, go forth, brave the swipe-fest, and don’t be afraid to fall. Like a good Wi-Fi signal, love is worth searching for.

If dating feels like a punch to the heart and old fears are popping up like uninvited exes, or you just need a guide through this chaotic swipe-fest, a therapist can be your wingman. Call (866) 522-2472 to book an appointment and tame the wild ride!

Understanding Postpartum Anxiety

While postpartum depression is widely recognized, postpartum anxiety often lingers in the shadows, affecting many new mothers without the same level of awareness. This condition manifests as intense, often overwhelming fears about a baby’s safety, with vivid, intrusive thoughts of harm—such as the baby falling, getting hurt, or even more distressing scenarios like bleeding. These fears can jolt a mother awake from vivid dreams where she’s forgotten something critical to her child’s safety. Everyday stories of accidents or mishaps can amplify these anxieties, leaving new mothers feeling trapped in a cycle of worry. It’s a silent struggle for many, but understanding its signs can be the first step toward relief.

Postpartum anxiety shows up in a variety of mental, emotional, physical, and behavioral symptoms. Mentally, it can bring excessive worry about the baby’s well-being, intrusive thoughts of harm, or relentless generalized anxiety that’s hard to control. Some mothers experience obsessive-compulsive thoughts or sudden panic attacks, paired with feelings of being overwhelmed, irritable, or hopeless. Physically, symptoms might include a racing heart, shortness of breath, nausea, dizziness, muscle tension, or disrupted sleep—even when the baby is resting peacefully. Behaviorally, mothers may avoid certain situations, compulsively check on their baby, or struggle to concentrate, sometimes withdrawing from loved ones. These symptoms can feel isolating, but they’re more common than many realize and don’t reflect a mother’s ability to care for her child.

You are not alone in these fears—they are not omens but simply the mind’s response to the stress and overstimulation of new parenthood. Feeding these thoughts by dwelling on them can deepen the anxiety, but relief is possible. Try acknowledging these fear-based thoughts without following them down the rabbit hole. Breathe deeply, exhaling the worry, and shift your focus to the love and joy your child brings. Engage in small, grounding actions—laugh, move your body, or find a thought that feels lighter. If the anxiety becomes unmanageable, don’t hesitate to seek support. Therapists are equipped to help you navigate this, offering tools to ease the burden and rediscover calm. You’re not failing; you’re human, and help is within reach.

Breaking the Stigma: Why Therapy Is Strength, Not Shame

Let’s talk about something that’s been a bit of a heavy topic for way too long—therapy. I know, I know, there’s this old, stubborn stigma that makes it feel like reaching out for help with our mental health is something to be ashamed of. But honestly, that’s such a shame because we humans? We’re wired for connection. We need each other, like, deep in our bones, to get through life’s ups and downs.

Still, somehow, society has convinced so many of us that we should go it alone. Like, if we just hide our struggles—our pain, our messy emotions, all the stuff that keeps us from feeling truly happy—we’re being strong. But let’s be real: that’s not strength. That’s just pretending, and it doesn’t make the hard stuff disappear. We’re human, not superheroes! Having emotions isn’t a flaw—it’s what makes us, us.

Here’s the thing: when we shove our feelings down, they don’t just vanish. They build up, like toxic gunk, and over time, that can really mess with our wellbeing—and even spill over onto the people we love. But talking to a therapist? It’s like opening a window to let all that heavy stuff out so it doesn’t drag us down. Therapy gives us a safe space to dig into the messy parts of ourselves, to figure out what’s really going on inside. Sometimes, we even uncover old hurts we didn’t realize were dimming our light—and that’s when the healing starts.

There’s nothing wrong with having emotions, and there’s definitely nothing wrong with asking for help to navigate them. Honestly, it takes a lot of guts to say, “I need support,” and I think that’s something pretty amazing. So, let’s ditch the shame and embrace the fact that we’re all in this together, okay?

Loss and Heartbreak

Hey there, losing something or someone dear to you can feel like a punch to the gut, can’t it? Just because they’re gone doesn’t mean your love or care for them vanishes. Grief and loss? They’re heavy, like a weight that makes you want to crawl back under the covers. Whether it’s a breakup, a loved one passing, losing a job, or feeling your health slip, the pain can hit hard.

We get so used to the rhythm of our lives—those familiar faces, routines, or abilities—that when they’re suddenly gone, it’s like our hearts can’t catch up. It’s hard to wrap your head around the fact that what you cherished isn’t there anymore. For some, it’s a quiet ache. For others, it feels like a gaping hole in your chest, so deep you’re scared it’ll swallow you whole if you let yourself feel it. And sometimes, it’s even messier—maybe you’re angry or relieved, and that tangles up with the sadness in ways that make no sense.

But here’s the thing: your heart’s a muscle, and yeah, it can watermark and tear so it can heal stronger. Riding those waves of grief isn’t easy—it’s okay to take it slow, to let yourself feel a little at a time. Be kind to yourself; this stuff is tough. With time, the hurt softens, and you’ll find your footing again, maybe a little changed, but still you.

Welcoming February 3: José Gonzalez, , MSW, LGSW

As a provider José feels it is critical to create an environment where clients can express their innermost thoughts without fear of judgment. Where they can receive consistent, understanding, empathic, and supportive feedback. He strives to give everyone the opportunity to engage in therapy as their authentic selves. José has a master's degree in Social Work. He has worked in inpatient rehabs, community centers, and schools to name a few settings. In those roles he has garnered experience working with people from a variety of backgrounds, and many walks of life. It his mission to foment an accepting therapeutic alliance with anyone who walks through his door regardless of race, ethnicity, gender identity, religion, or any other demographic factor. He utilizes elements from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Narrative Therapy, and a few other modalities. His hope is to blend technical expertise with a healthy dose of authenticity. He is not looking to work “at” his clients, but with them, to achieve the goals they find most critical. 

Welcoming in December: Jane Gallagher, MA

Jane believes that people benefit from having a therapeutic supportive relationship in their life with someone who keeps their best interest in mind. Attending therapy can be a place to shift emotions, find movement from stuck places, and navigate toward an improved life. Jane approaches therapy with a person-centered, strengths approach, meaning she believes that the client has within them the resources and strengths needed to overcome life's challenges. She has a personable and easy going mindset to learn, understand, validate and accept the unique aspects of you. She uses skills like hypnotherapy, mindfulness, motivational interviewing, coaching, and reflective listening to hold space for the client to change at their own pace and in their own way. She would be happy to see you and would like to remind you of your innate strength and personal power. Jane completed her bachelor's degree in Psychology from Metropolitan State University and continued her education through certifications in Drug and Alcohol Counseling, Problem Gambling Counseling, Clinical Hypnotherapy, and Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR). She completed her Master's degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling in March of 2022 from Adler Graduate School. Her goal is to possess many therapeutic methods to meet your needs. Jane enjoys getting to know and understand people and working in the mental health, substance use disorder, and wellness fields. In her spare time, she spends time with her family and has fun dancing and finding bucket-list adventures in travel. Jane receives clinical supervision from a qualified, licensed supervisor until completion of full licensure.

Welcoming in January: Dave Smallen, PhD

After nearly a decade exploring the human condition as a social scientist and educator, Dave Smallen (he/him) is joining Birch Counseling as a clinical intern. People who know Dave well describe him as empathetic, curious, enthusiastic, and nonjudgmental. His perspective is that psychological struggles will arise for all of us sometime in life, and that with appropriate support these challenges can paradoxically become the gateway to meaningful growth and new seasons of fulfillment.

Dave is especially informed by existential, person-centered, family systems, feminist, and mindfulness approaches. He is interested in advocating for adults of all backgrounds and identities in deepening their self-knowledge, growing their capacity to live into joy and cope effectively with emotional pain, cultivating mutually supportive relationships, and aligning their everyday lives with their larger purpose—Journeys that he is dedicated to in his own life. 

Dave’s professional experience bridges the arts and sciences. Dave’s first career was as a working musician and he continues to nurture an artistic practice. He holds a PhD in Human Development and Family Studies from University of Wisconsin-Madison, and has published academic papers and studies related to meaningful social connection, responsive relationships, and mindfulness practice. He is currently completing a master’s degree in clinical mental health counseling from Minnesota State University-Moorhead.

Welcoming in June: Maddy Fiksdal, MA

Maddy has experience working in various roles and settings with adults and adolescents. She graduated with a master’s degree in Counseling for Co-Occurring Disorders from Hazelden Betty Ford Graduate School of Addiction Studies. She is a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor (LADC) and is currently under supervision while working toward Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) licensure.

Maddy is passionate about working with individuals ages 15+ who are experiencing trauma, addiction, anxiety and particularly enjoys working members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Maddy uses a person-centered lens and brings curiosity, empathy, compassion, and humor to her work. She creates a safe environment and builds strong therapeutic relationships. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) interventions are frequently used tools. Maddy is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).

Outside of work, Maddy enjoys spending time with friends and family. She loves crossword puzzles, watching movies, and reading. Maddy enjoys rock climbing and tries to be outdoors as much as possible.

Welcoming in April: Carmen Avendano, MA, LMFT

Carmen has fifteen years of experience as a Mental Health Professional, twenty-five years of experience as a cross-cultural trainer and over thirty years of experience as a teacher, including the past ten years as an assistant professor for Counseling Psychology, Health and Human Services, and Marriage & Family Therapy graduate programs at St. Mary’s University of Minnesota.

Carmen is passionate about helping her clients achieve their goals and finding effective ways to deal with life’s challenges. It is her goal to help clients heal, achieve their fullest potential, have mutually supportive relationships and improve their overall well being. Carmen offers client centered care and understands the power of diversity, equity, and inclusion. 

Working With your ADHD

Do you often find it difficult to finish something you have started? Is it more difficult for you to “kick into gear” or find the motivation and follow-through that other people seem to conjure up easily? In school, was it more challenging to focus and complete your homework? Do you find yourself lunging into new projects without finishing the ones you had already started? Do you often find yourself restless, bored, and seeking stimulation? 

If you have adult ADHD, struggling with these issues may have led you to feel guilt, shame, and frustration over the course of your life. If only something in your mind would “click” so you could finish the job.  

Here are the facts:

•           ADHD is not just a childhood disorder

•           ADHD does not only present as hyperactivity

•           Very few people outgrow ADHD completely. For most, symptoms remain in adulthood.

While there is no magic cure, working with rather than against the symptoms of ADHD may help. The ADHD mind seeks novelty, excitement, and creativity. Enlisting these motivators can help you reach your goals. Approaching a problem from a novel perspective or seeking new tools can re-invent tedious processes. The next time you feel confined by routine and rigid procedures, consider out-of-the-box solutions to your projects.

Remember that motivation, energy, and focus are different for everyone. When you face a difficult task, you can start by:

•           Accepting your limitations and expanding from there. Too often, we waste mental energy on what we cannot do or haven’t done, leaving little for what we can do now. 

•           Breaking a daunting goal into small, incremental steps while committing to daily action. 

•           Setting realistic and attainable goals. Creating a habit of consistently accomplishing small tasks makes loftier goals more realistic.

•           Entertaining new and creative approaches that capitalize on your unique strengths.  

ADHD is challenging; however, you can become more functional and successful by building on your unique strengths. In time, you can develop new approaches to tackle daily tasks and challenges in ways that work with who you are.  

Joining us July 1: Laura Linner, MA, LICSW

Laura (she/her) genuinely loves this work and brings authenticity, hope and humor to sessions with individuals and families. She considers it an honor to have the opportunity to walk alongside others in recognizing, accessing, and developing their own resiliency, and in building a rich, full and meaningful life (as they define it!). Laura is mindful of creating a non-judgmental, anti-oppressive, anti-racist, LGBTQIA-affirming space for the clients with whom she works. She views therapy as a collaborative process and values feedback from clients.

Laura’s foundational clinical training is in non-directive Rogerian client-centered therapy from her time as a clinical intern then post-graduate psychotherapy fellow in a group practice in Chicago. This humanistic approach continues to serve as the clinical underpinning of her work with clients. That being said, Laura takes an eclectic approach and aligns with concepts of clinical pragmatism – offering and using what therapeutic intervention works - tailored to each individual. Laura sees therapy as an opportunity to pause, reflect, and take an inventory of how our lives are going, identify what’s working and what isn’t, and make effective change in moving closer to the life we hope for ourselves. Laura brings an attitude of openness, curiosity and compassion with clients. She has benefitted greatly from her own therapy over the years and strives to provide a similarly beneficial experience to those with whom she has the honor of working with.

Laura is trained in, integrates, and draws from a number of therapeutic approaches including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, trauma-informed therapy (TF-ACT and TF-CBT), CBT for psychosis (CBT-p), ACT for psychosis, psychodynamic theory, polyvagal theory, motivational interviewing, harm-reduction, and also employs a neuroscientific lens to reinforce concepts of regulation, zones of optimal functioning and neuroplasticity/opportunity for growth and change. Laura is also trained in child-centered play therapy from when she worked with youth impacted by domestic violence.

Laura completed her graduate degree in clinical social work at The University of Chicago’s School of Social Service Administration. For the past four years, Laura has worked for the University of Minnesota Department of Psychiatry as an individual and family therapist specializing in first-episode psychosis and schizophrenia spectrum disorders. She has a passion for working with individuals and families in processing new diagnoses and identifying ways of being that work for all who are impacted in their own unique ways. Prior to this, Laura has experience providing therapy and support to individuals in life transitions, relationship challenges, identity exploration and development, finding a sense of meaning and purpose, working through grief and loss, coping with the impact of domestic violence and trauma, and effectively coping with life stressors. She has also worked both internationally and stateside in violence recovery services and human rights work. Diagnostically, Laura has experience working with individuals who have been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, PTSD, OCD, disordered eating, substance use disorders, mood disorders, dissociative disorders, and schizophrenia spectrum disorders.

Laura believes an individual is not their diagnosis, and joins alongside clients to explore meaning of diagnosis in a way that is adaptive and feels authentic to them.

Laura believes life and humans can be messy, confusing, amazing, doubtful, inspired, worried, scared, brave, determined, hopeless, hopeful and many more things all at the same time. Laura is inspired by people’s willingness and ability to move into discomfort, try new ways of being and make change in ways that feel valuable to them, and she is grateful for being able to provide support along the way.

When Laura isn’t working she enjoys reading, spending time with family and friends, snuggling her two cats, needlepointing, watching cooking shows, trying to learn to cook herself, playing outside and learning.

Welcoming in September: Alison Campbell, MSW, LICSW

We are very excited to announce the newest addition to the Birch Counseling Team: Alison Campbell, MSW, LICSW!

Alison enjoys working with both adult individuals and couples across the lifespan from all walks of life. She uses a holistic, mind-body perspective and recognizes that a wide range of past and present influences effect both our individual well being and our relationships. With a collaborative, kind and practical approach, Alison helps people explore patterns that may not be serving them and offers guidance and tools for better coping, balance and resiliency so that they can feel more empowered to make the changes they desire. She uses a strengths based, person centered approach with evidence based practices informed by a blend of frameworks. She has had extensive training in mindfulness and somatic practices.

Alison has experience addressing depression, anxiety, stress reduction, trauma, health issues, substance use, relationship difficulties, grief and loss and personal growth. She has lived on both coasts of the US and has worked with people in a variety of settings including low-come housing, correctional facilities, long term care facilities and hospice and community counseling centers. She received her Master’s degree in Social Work from Washington University in St Louis.

Alison has two children, enjoys good books, good cooking, meeting new people and being in the outdoors. She is also a certified yoga teacher.

Spotlight with Brian Borre: Metacognitive Therapy

Before we get into theory, or how this approach might apply to you, let’s take a detour into language. When used as a prefix in the English language, “meta-”, stemming from the Greek for “after” or “beyond”, means something that goes beyond, to be all-encompassing, or become transcendent. When “Meta” and “Cognitive” are put together, the result essentially means “thinking about thinking.” For example, have you ever had an experience where you’re certain you know the name of something--a person, product, or place--but you can’t recall it? This “tip of the tongue” experience is just one example of how metacognitions work to inform our everyday lives--we’re thinking about how we’re thinking. While most of our meta-processes aren’t so conscious, our metacognitions are in the background actively controlling and influencing our conscious experience of the world, 

Metacognitive Therapy (MCT) focuses on targeting and modifying our deeply held beliefs--the thinking about our thinking--that fosters states of perpetual worry, rumination, and/or fixation. For example, if you say to yourself, “worrying about this keeps me safe,” or “I have no control over my thoughts,” you are both observing your own thinkingand having thoughts about thinking. The goal of MCT is simple: identify, challenge, and reduce what they dub, “Cognitive-Attentional Syndrome” (CAS). CAS is an umbrella term that refers to the kinds of beliefs that imply: we need worry, are incapable of stopping worry, and would be better off if we hyperfocus on tackling each individual worry.  

You might be thinking to yourself, “Birch Counseling, this is starting to sound a lot like CBT,” (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). The truth is, you aren’t exactly wrong. In CBT, we are dealing with our thoughts. For example, if we were to use CBT to challenge our social anxiety, we might ask ourselves, “how likely will this outcome be, and will it be as bad as we’re thinking it will be?” Essentially, we identify an irrational thought and we challenge it with a more realistic lens. 

In comparison, with MCT, we are dealing with how we think about our thinking. We don’t give a lot of attention to the individual thoughts. Instead, we challenge the thinking around the thoughts themselves by asking ourselves, “should I spend my time worrying if the worry doesn’t make it less likely to happen? And if I already worried about it and made a decision, why am I re-worrying about this when I don’t have any new information?” This process, which encourages us to refuse to engage with unhelpful thinking, is called “Detached Mindfulness.” It works because it isn’t avoidance--it challenges people to view their worry and irrational beliefs as something that is outside of their core, observe the thoughts, stay non-reactive to them, and choose to respond without the preoccupation with worry about worried thinking. 

Why does Brian like it? Besides being a philosophical guy interested in all things “meta” (emotions, beliefs, and communication), Brian saw that CBT wasn’t always helpful with anxious, depressed, or addiction-driven thinking. From his perspective, it can be equally harmful to hyper-focus on our worry if we feel utterly incapable of controlling or changing it. He thinks about it like “giving in to a screaming toddler you know is just seeking attention because they want something from you, and you don’t know how to handle the upset anymore. Ultimately, it doesn’t help you, or them, to keep caving in or feeling totally helpless to stop it.” Instead, you can learn how to provide the tantruming child in your brain--the anxiety, depression, or addiction monster’s voice--the reassurance that you know what’s best, have a plan, can essentially “pivot” yourself out of the situation, or rebound if you make a mistake. It deflates the tantrum in your brain. And that’s a powerful tool. 

If you think Brian might be a fit for you, or have any additional questions about metacognitive therapy, please feel free to reach out to our team at BizOffice@birchcounseling.com. 

References:

1. https://mct-institute.co.uk/therapy/

2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6246690/#:~:text=Conclusions%3A%20Our%20findings%20indicate%20that,psychotherapies%2C%20including%20cognitive%20behavioral%20interventions.

3. https://mental-health-matters.com/what-is-metacognitive-therapy-and-how-can-it-help-anxiety/

4. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00031/full

Stress in a Stressful Time

Even if your life before this year was relatively smooth sailing, likely, you are not making it through this year unscathed. After all, who could mentally prepared for civil unrest, unemployment, natural disasters, and a global pandemic all at once?

The dramatic events of 2020 are especially difficult for those with a trauma history. People with trauma include those whose past is marked by economic insecurity, frequent moving, homelessness, food insecurity, sudden or unexpected loss, or medical trauma.

Trauma survivors typically develop an “Early Warning System,” alerting against perceived danger. For example, suppose your parents fought a lot when you were a child. In that case, you are likely to be especially sensitive to tension, conflict, or discord around you. This additional sensitivity offers insight as to why today’s upheavals are incredibly stressful for trauma survivors.

 If this sounds like you or someone you know, what can you do?

Become fully aware of your feelings and name them.

If you’re watching the news at home and feel panic starting to flood your system, become consciously aware of your reactions. After acknowledging your feelings, recall that you have heightened sensitivity to current events because of your past traumas. Try watching the feelings as, in most cases, they will fade in time. Also, this is an excellent time to change your environment, like going for a walk.

Use your support system.

By putting your truth on the table with someone you trust and acknowledging the impact it’s having on you, you’re gaining control over the uncontrollable. You’re also modeling to others that it’s okay for them to share with you. If you have a limited support system, it might help do some resourcing online or in therapy.

Self-care is important.

Stretching, yoga, journaling, meditation, cooking, or watching comedy can help you feel safe and present. Taking good care of ourselves requires making your needs a priority. As we take better care of ourselves, we will show up as a better partner, parent, worker, and friend.  

If what helps you happens to be watching puppy videos on Instagram, please tag us so we can also enjoy a little puppy Prozac!

Be kind to yourself.

The world was stressful before 2020, and it certainly doesn’t seem to be winding down any time soon. Allow yourself to feel sad, scared, stressed, exhausted—whatever comes up. Give yourself time to acknowledge and validate these feelings. You may find it helpful to acknowledge at least one positive for every negative thing you noticed.Are you struggling to go back into the office? Remember that you now have half the traffic you used to  Struggling trusting yourself? Remember, it’s okay to not feel like the authority after your entire world has changed. Ask someone you trust what their honest evaluation is of the situation.

Making small adjustments like this work to help you to keep you in balance.

If there was ever an appropriate time to feel a little crazy, this is it. If you find that your internal alarms are going off an awful lot lately, remember you are hardly alone, and at least you know your system is working! Finally, if you are struggling to turn them off, we are happy to connect you with help. Feel free to call us at 866-522-2472 or drop us a line at bizoffice@birchcounseling.com.