Perfectionism: When Striving for Flawless Harms More Than Helps

The saying "Perfect is the enemy of good," often attributed to Voltaire, captures a profound truth about perfectionism. While striving for excellence can drive achievement, perfectionism—the relentless pursuit of flawlessness—can paralyze progress and take a toll on mental health. At its core, perfectionism is often fueled by anxiety, creating a cycle that impacts well-being in ways that are both subtle and profound. In this blog, we’ll explore what perfectionism is, its mental health implications, and how to navigate its challenges.

Understanding Perfectionism

Perfectionism is more than just wanting to do well. It’s an all-or-nothing mindset where anything less than perfect feels like failure. Perfectionists set impossibly high standards for themselves, often tying their self-worth to their achievements. This mindset can manifest in various ways: procrastinating on tasks out of fear they won’t be perfect, obsessing over minor details, or avoiding challenges altogether to sidestep potential mistakes.

At the heart of perfectionism lies anxiety—a fear of not being enough. This anxiety drives perfectionists to seek control through flawless performance, believing that perfection will shield them from criticism, rejection, or feelings of inadequacy. However, this pursuit often backfires, leading to stress, burnout, and a diminished sense of self.

The Mental Health Toll of Perfectionism

Perfectionism doesn’t just affect productivity; it deeply impacts mental health. Here are some ways it can manifest:

1. Heightened Anxiety and Stress

The constant pressure to meet unrealistic standards creates a state of chronic stress. Perfectionists often worry about making mistakes or being judged, which can escalate into generalized anxiety. The fear of failure becomes a persistent undercurrent, making even small tasks feel overwhelming.

2. Depression and Low Self-Esteem

When perfection is the only acceptable outcome, any perceived shortcoming can feel catastrophic. Perfectionists may internalize mistakes as evidence of personal failure, leading to feelings of worthlessness or depression. Over time, this erodes self-esteem, as their sense of value becomes tied to unattainable ideals.

3. Procrastination and Paralysis

Ironically, the desire to be perfect can lead to inaction. The fear of producing something less than flawless can cause perfectionists to delay starting or completing tasks. This procrastination often compounds anxiety, creating a vicious cycle where the pressure to perform perfectly only grows.

4. Burnout

The relentless pursuit of perfection is exhausting. Perfectionists often overwork themselves, sacrificing sleep, relationships, and personal well-being to meet their standards. This can lead to burnout, characterized by emotional and physical exhaustion, cynicism, and a sense of reduced accomplishment.

5. Social Isolation

Perfectionism can strain relationships. Perfectionists may hold others to the same impossibly high standards, leading to conflict or withdrawal. Alternatively, they may isolate themselves to avoid judgment, further exacerbating feelings of loneliness.

The Anxiety at the Core

Anxiety is the engine driving perfectionism. It’s the voice whispering that a single mistake will lead to failure, rejection, or exposure as a fraud. This anxiety often stems from deeper fears, such as:

• Fear of Judgment: Perfectionists may believe that others will evaluate them harshly if they don’t perform perfectly.

• Need for Control: In an unpredictable world, perfectionism offers an illusion of control, as if flawless work can prevent negative outcomes.

• Imposter Syndrome: Many perfectionists feel like they’re “faking it,” driving them to overcompensate through perfection to prove their worth.

This anxiety can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more a perfectionist strives for flawlessness, the more they notice imperfections, which fuels further anxiety and reinforces the cycle.

Breaking Free from Perfectionism

While perfectionism can feel like an unshakable trait, it’s possible to manage its impact on mental health. Here are some strategies to foster a healthier mindset:

1. Embrace “Good Enough”

The saying “Perfect is the enemy of good” reminds us that striving for perfection can prevent us from achieving meaningful progress. Instead of aiming for flawlessness, focus on what’s functional and effective. Ask yourself: Does this need to be perfect, or is it enough to be done well?

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Perfectionists often fall into cognitive distortions, like all-or-nothing thinking or catastrophizing. When you catch yourself thinking, “If this isn’t perfect, it’s worthless,” challenge that thought. Replace it with something more balanced, like, “Mistakes are part of learning, and this is still valuable.”

3. Set Realistic Goals

Break tasks into smaller, achievable steps rather than aiming for an unattainable ideal. Celebrate progress, no matter how small, to build confidence and reduce anxiety.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and that your worth isn’t defined by your output. Self-compassion can help quiet the anxiety driving perfectionism.

5. Seek Support

If perfectionism is significantly impacting your mental health, consider talking to a therapist or counselor. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for addressing perfectionist tendencies and the anxiety at their core.

Moving Toward Progress, Not Perfection

Perfectionism can feel like a double-edged sword: it pushes us to strive for excellence but often at the cost of our mental health. By recognizing the anxiety at its core and embracing the idea that “perfect is the enemy of good,” we can start to loosen its grip. Progress, not perfection, is the goal. Allowing ourselves to be human—flaws and all—can lead to greater creativity, resilience, and peace of mind.

If you’re struggling with perfectionism, take a moment to reflect: What would it feel like to let go of “perfect” and embrace “good enough”? The answer might just set you free.

If you're interested in speaking with a therapist, we're here to assist you. Please feel free to contact us at 866-522-2472 for support.

Unmasking High-Functioning Depression: The Silent Battle Within

If you've ever felt like you're going through the motions—smiling at work, keeping up with friends, hitting deadlines—but inside, you're drowning in emptiness, you're not alone. This is the reality of high-functioning depression, a term gaining traction but not an official clinical diagnosis. It often describes Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD), where symptoms linger chronically but don't completely derail daily life. Today, as we navigate a world reeling from pandemics, economic pressures, and social media's highlight reels, this "hidden" depression is more prevalent than ever. Let's dive into what it means, signs to watch for, causes, real stories, and ways to seek help.

What Is High-Functioning Depression?

High-functioning depression isn't about dramatic breakdowns or staying in bed all day (though those can occur in severe cases). It's insidious: you function well outwardly—holding a job, maintaining relationships, even achieving success—while battling persistent low mood, fatigue, and hopelessness inside. Think of it as wearing a mask; you're productive, but at a huge emotional cost.

It can overlap with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) or PDD, where symptoms last at least two years in adults. CDC data shows depression prevalence in U.S. adolescents and adults has surged by 60% in recent years, with many cases undiagnosed because people seem "fine." Globally, the World Health Organization reports over 280 million people live with depression, with high-functioning forms contributing to underreporting. The misconception? If you're functioning, you're not "really" depressed. But experts warn this can delay treatment and worsen symptoms.

Signs and Symptoms: Subtle Red Flags

High-functioning depression is tricky to spot because it defies stereotypes. Common signs include:

• Persistent Sadness or Emptiness: Feeling "off" most days, even without a clear reason, like a low hum of dissatisfaction.

• Fatigue and Low Energy: Exhausted despite enough sleep, with simple tasks feeling draining.

• Irritability or Hopelessness: Small things set you off, or you feel nothing will improve.

• Loss of Interest (Anhedonia): Hobbies or social activities once enjoyed feel pointless.

• Perfectionism and Overworking: Pushing harder to compensate, leading to burnout.

• Physical Symptoms: Headaches, digestive issues, or appetite changes without clear cause.

If these persist for weeks or months, consider speaking with a professional. Functioning doesn't mean thriving—many describe it as "surviving, not living."

What Causes It? Unpacking the Roots

High-functioning depression stems from a mix of factors:

• Genetics and Biology: Family history or imbalances in brain chemicals like serotonin.

• Trauma or Stress: Childhood abuse, loss, or chronic stress (e.g., job pressure).

• Environmental Factors: Social isolation, financial worries, or social media's constant comparisons.

• Personality Traits: High achievers or perfectionists may be more prone, internalizing struggles to maintain appearances.

In 2025, with ongoing economic uncertainties and global event aftermath, experts predict even higher rates, especially among young adults.

Real Stories

Others' experiences can make this feel less isolating. On social media, people share raw accounts:

One X user described growing up in poverty and abuse, leading to suicidal thoughts. They hid their pain, even lying during diagnosis to avoid worrying family. Thoughts of their pets stopped a near-attempt, and The Secret helped manifest positivity and rebuild relationships. "Never end a temporary problem with a permanent solution," they advised.

Another shared a university diagnosis where a psychiatrist challenged their worldview instead of prescribing meds. Journaling led to epiphanies that lifted the depression, showing how intellectual despair can mimic clinical symptoms.

A poignant post captured the exhaustion of masking: "Functioning depression is so isolating... I can go to work and act normal but inside I am a deep dark pit of nothing." Others echoed feeling disconnected, unable to ask for help because they "seem fine."

Stories of rock bottom, like contemplating suicide on a rooftop after divorce and addiction, show recovery through turning points like a miraculous gambling win restoring faith. These remind us: You're not alone, and hope exists.

Treatment and Coping Strategies: Steps Toward Healing

High-functioning depression is treatable. Consider:

• Professional Help: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can reframe negative thoughts. Antidepressants may help balance brain chemistry.

• Lifestyle Changes: Exercise, healthy eating, and sleep hygiene help. Mindfulness or journaling can uncover patterns.

• Support Networks: Talk to trusted friends or join online communities. Don't let the "functioning" label stop you from seeking help.

• Self-Care: Set boundaries, practice gratitude, or try alternatives like light therapy or supplements (with doctor approval).

If in crisis, contact hotlines like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988 in the US) or similar resources worldwide.

Wrapping Up: You're Worth the Fight

High-functioning depression thrives in silence, but acknowledging it is the first step to reclaiming your life. If this resonates, know that functioning doesn't mean you must suffer alone—help is out there, and recovery is possible. Share your thoughts below; let's build a community of support. It's okay not to be okay, even if the world thinks you are.

Stay strong, and take that first step today. You've got this.

If you are looking to connect with a therapist, we are happy to help. Call us at (866) 522-2472.

Sleepmaxxing Your Way to Better Mental Health

In 2025, a wellness trend is sweeping social media platforms, capturing the attention of Gen Z and Millennials alike: sleepmaxxing. This practice of optimizing sleep for peak mental and physical health has become a cultural movement, driven by the reality that 41% of Gen Z report sleep problems as a major stressor, while 74% say quality sleep boosts their mental well-being. Sleepmaxxing isn’t just about clocking hours—it’s about boosting your rest to fight anxiety, depression, and the chaos of modern life. But how does it work, and how can you do it without tipping into orthosomnia, the obsession with perfect sleep? Let’s explore the science, strategies, and mental health benefits of sleepmaxxing, plus tips to start tonight.

What is Sleepmaxxing?

Sleepmaxxing is the deliberate use of tools, routines, and lifestyle tweaks to achieve deep, restorative sleep. It’s a response to the sleep crisis—35% of adults get less than seven hours nightly, and poor sleep is linked to a 30% increase in anxiety and depression symptoms. On social media, users share everything from biohacks like weighted blankets to mindfulness practices and binaural beats, all aimed at maximizing sleep’s benefits. The goal is simple: make every minute of rest count for your brain, body, and mood.

Why Sleepmaxxing Boosts Mental Health

Sleep is your brain’s reset button. It processes emotions, consolidates memories, and regulates stress hormones like cortisol. Poor sleep disrupts this, amplifying mental health struggles—41% of young adults report negative mood impacts from sleep issues. Conversely, quality sleep can:

• Reduce Anxiety and Depression: Studies show 7-9 hours of quality sleep can cut anxiety symptoms by up to 30%.

• Boost Mood and Resilience: Individuals describe feeling “reborn” after good sleep, with 68% of people noting better emotional health from consistent rest.

• Sharpen Focus: Sleep enhances cognitive function, improving decision-making and emotional regulation, critical for mental clarity.

• Combat Loneliness: With 53% of Gen Z reporting loneliness, better sleep supports energy for social connections, a key mental health protector.

Sleepmaxxing’s rise reflects a cultural shift toward prioritizing rest as self-care, especially in a world of constant digital noise and stress.

Top Sleepmaxxing Strategies for Mental Health

Here are the most effective sleepmaxxing techniques, drawn from science and trending discussions on X, tailored to enhance mental well-being:

1. Craft the Perfect Sleep Environment

• Darkness: Use blackout curtains or a sleep mask. Light exposure can suppress melatonin by 20%, increasing stress and delaying sleep.

• Cool Temps: Keep your bedroom at 60-67°F (15-20°C). Cooler environments promote deeper sleep, calming the nervous system.

• Noise Management: White, pink, or brown noise (via apps like MyNoise) masks disruptions. Earplugs work too, reducing stress from sudden sounds.

• Comfort: Weighted blankets (10% of body weight) can lower anxiety, with 63% of users reporting better sleep quality.

2. Supplements for Relaxation

• Magnesium: 200-400 mg of magnesium glycinate before bed calms the nervous system, reducing anxiety and aiding sleep onset. Overuse can cause digestive issues, so start low.

• Melatonin: A 0.5-3 mg dose 30-60 minutes before bed helps regulate sleep cycles, especially for stress-induced insomnia. Avoid high doses to prevent tolerance.

• Chamomile or Valerian: Chamomile tea or 300-600 mg of valerian root may promote relaxation, though evidence varies. These are popular for their calming ritual.

• L-Theanine: 100-200 mg can reduce stress without sedation, pairing well with magnesium for a pre-sleep calm.

Caution: Consult a doctor before using supplements, especially if on medications.

3. Build a Mental Health-Friendly Sleep Routine

• Digital Detox: Stop screen use 1-2 hours before bed. Blue light delays sleep by up to an hour, spiking cortisol and stress. Try blue-light-blocking glasses if needed.

• Binaural Beats: Delta wave audio (1-4 Hz) via apps like Brain.fm promotes relaxation, helping 60% of users feel calmer, per anecdotal reports.

• Mindfulness or Journaling: A 10-minute meditation or “worry list” journaling session reduces pre-sleep anxiety, a barrier for 30% of people.

• 4-7-8 Breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8. This lowers heart rate, easing you into sleep and reducing stress.

4. Trending Hacks (Use Wisely)

• Sleep Trackers: Devices like Oura Ring track sleep stages, offering insights into patterns. But over-focusing on data can lead to orthosomnia, increasing anxiety.

• Red Light Therapy: Low-level red light before bed may boost melatonin, though research is early. It’s gaining buzz for its calming effect.

5. Lifestyle Tweaks for Restful Sleep

• Consistent Schedule: Establish a consistent bedtime and wake-up time, going to bed and rising at roughly the same time each day, including weekends. This boosts sleep efficiency by 15%, stabilizing mood.

• Limit Stimulants: Avoid caffeine 6-8 hours before bed and minimize alcohol, which disrupts REM sleep, critical for emotional processing.

• Light Evening Meals: Avoid heavy or sugary foods 2-3 hours before bed to prevent digestion-related stress. Try tryptophan-rich snacks like bananas or almonds.

The Mental Health Payoff

Sleepmaxxing isn’t just about feeling rested—it’s a mental health game-changer. Regular, high-quality sleep reduces cortisol, enhances emotional regulation, and boosts serotonin, helping you tackle daily stressors. X users report that prioritizing sleep cuts feelings of overwhelm and supports social engagement, countering the 53% of Gen Z who feel lonely. Plus, better sleep means more energy to pursue therapy, exercise, or community activities—all proven mental health boosters.

The Pitfall: Avoiding Orthosomnia

The biggest risk of sleepmaxxing is orthosomnia, where obsessing over perfect sleep metrics (via trackers) or rigid routines increases anxiety, ironically harming sleep. X posts warn about misinformation too—like unverified supplement claims or extreme hacks. To stay balanced:

• Focus on consistency, not perfection. One bad night won’t ruin your mental health.

• Use trackers sparingly; prioritize how you feel over numbers.

Start Sleepmaxxing Tonight

Ready to boost your mental health through sleepmaxxing? Here’s a simple plan:

1. Set a Schedule: Aim for 7-9 hours, going to bed and waking up at roughly the same time each day.

2. Create a Ritual: Try chamomile tea, 200 mg magnesium, or 10 minutes of 4-7-8 breathing.

3. Optimize Your Space: Cool, dark, quiet room with a weighted blanket if needed.

4. Ditch Screens: No devices 1 hour before bed—read or listen to binaural beats instead.

5. Track Lightly: Use a sleep app for insights, but don’t stress over data.

The Future of Sleepmaxxing

In 2025, sleepmaxxing is more than a trend—it’s a mental health revolution. People are fed up with burnout and ready to reclaim rest. By blending science-backed strategies with mindful experimentation, you can unlock sleep’s power to transform your mood, focus, and resilience. Start small, stay consistent, and let sleepmaxxing light the way to better mental health. Sweet dreams!

Struggling to build a healthy sleep routine? Our therapists are here to help. Contact us at (866) 522-2472 for support.

A Wild Ride in the Dating Game: A True Story

Dating can be a rollercoaster—full of surprises, uncertainty, and sometimes, downright disappointment. But trust me, you’ll be thankful this story didn’t happen to you. My friend lived through this wild encounter, and yes, it’s all true.

The Shoe Store Spark

She walked into her favorite shoe store, a place she’d visited dozens of times. But this time, a new face greeted her—an assistant manager she’d never met. He was kind, jovial, and genuinely helpful. As they worked together to find the perfect pair of shoes, their conversation flowed effortlessly. His expertise guided her choices, and soon, their chat turned personal. They exchanged light, respectful questions about each other’s lives, and a spark was undeniable. Smiles crept across their faces, barely concealed, as they talked with an ease that felt rare.

She mentioned needing to return for an exchange, and he encouraged her to come back on a day he was working, even sharing his schedule. As she walked around the store to test the shoes, she noticed him pull something small and white from his pocket and scribble on it. Curiosity piqued, she continued mulling over her purchase, taking her time due to her usual indecision. When she returned to their seating area, he handed her his business card with a few parting words before stepping away. The card displayed his name and "Assistant Manager" title in neat green ink. Flipping it over, she found a phone number scrawled messily, underlined three times. Her eyes widened, cheeks flushed, and her mind raced. Was this really happening?

A Whirlwind of Hope

Her focus on shoes vanished as she tucked the card into her pocket and headed to the counter. He rang her up, smiling but not mentioning the number burning a hole in her jeans. She thanked him, forcing a calm demeanor despite her spinning thoughts, and left the store. All the way home, she couldn’t stop grinning, replaying the encounter. Could it really be his number? Was he allowed to give it to a customer? What else could it mean?

She shared the story with friends, already daydreaming about possibilities with this charming man. His kindness, confidence, and boldness struck a chord, though she cautioned herself not to get carried away. The next day, after crafting a text (vetted by her best friend), she sent it. Within an hour, he replied. Their back-and-forth lit up her afternoon, fueling premature visions of dates, flowers, and more smiles. That night, she barely slept, and the next morning, she woke to a sweet "good morning" text from him, asking about her day. They exchanged a few more messages, and then… silence.

The Sting of Silence

Hours passed with no reply. She busied herself with tasks, but her mind stayed on him. A whole day went by—nothing. She knew he was working, but he’d texted during his shift the day before. Nervousness crept in, tinged with irritation, but she brushed it off and went to bed. The next day, still no response. Another day passed, and she was certain: he’d ghosted her. Why? He’d initiated everything, given her his number unprompted. Confused and hurt, she debated her next move. She needed to make that exchange at the store. Should she go when he was there and confront him? The idea of watching him squirm was tempting, but her social anxiety made it daunting. Ultimately, she decided to visit when he was off, hoping to move on.

The Shocking Truth

The next day, she entered the store, scanning for him and sighing in relief when he wasn’t there. As she worked on her exchange with another employee, a different worker—one who’d been present during her first encounter—approached. He casually mentioned the assistant manager’s absence, assuming she’d come to see him. This confirmed it: others had noticed their connection. She clarified her purpose, and as they chatted, she opened up about what happened. The worker’s reaction was odd—too flustered, as if hiding something. After some pressing, he spilled the truth: “You didn’t hear this from me, but… he’s married. And he has two kids.”

Her jaw dropped. Words failed her. The worker rambled, insisting the assistant manager would never do such a thing, emphasizing his loyalty. She wasn’t buying it. She’d noticed—no wedding ring. The general manager, kind but diplomatic, later insisted his intentions were platonic. My friend left the store reeling, dumbfounded by the revelation. This was a story she couldn’t have imagined if she tried.

A Lesson in the Dating Jungle

So, the next time dating feels like a slog, take heart: at least you didn’t fall for the charm of a slippery assistant manager. The dating world is wild, but stories like this remind us to stay cautious, keep perspective, and maybe double-check for wedding rings.

Embracing Resilience: Crafting a Life of Purpose and Perseverance

Our lives are filled with unexpected twists, setbacks, and opportunities. We all know people who have been shaped by hardship, some enduring falls so painful they defy words. Some refuse to surrender to the pain of defeat. They live on their own terms and push forward despite setbacks. Their strength lies in their mindset: the choice to create their life experience rather than let it happen to them. This blog, inspired by the incredible individuals I’ve had the privilege to work with, explores the power of resilience, the grit of perseverance, and the commitment to building a life that reflects your deepest values.

The below clip perfectly captures the spirit of resilience:

https://substack.com/@deanbowen/note/c-140757569?r=21slmm&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action

The Power of Resilience

Resilience is the ability to rise after a fall, to stand firm in the face of life’s storms. It’s not about avoiding hardship—pain is inevitable—but about how you respond. Resilient people view setbacks as temporary, seeing them as chances to learn, grow, and adapt.

Consider someone who loses their job unexpectedly. After the initial shock, some may cement the belief that “bad things always happen to me,” blaming challenges beyond their control. A resilient person may reframe the loss as an opportunity to pursue new possibilities. They assess their skills and interests, network with purpose, and explore new paths—perhaps even launching their own venture. Resilience transforms “what now?” into “what’s next?”

To cultivate resilience:

• Reframe challenges: See obstacles as detours, not dead ends, leading to new possibilities.

• Build a support system: Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you.

• Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself during tough times. Mistakes and failures are steps toward growth, not the end.

The Grit of Perseverance

Perseverance is the fuel that sustains resilience. It’s the unwavering commitment to keep moving forward, even when the road is long and the destination unclear. Perseverance isn’t glamorous—it’s showing up daily, doing the hard work, and refusing to quit when the odds seem overwhelming.

Think of an aspiring writer facing rejection after rejection. Each “no” could be a reason to give up, but perseverance drives them to revise, improve, and submit again. Over time, these consistent efforts lead to a breakthrough—a published book, a viral article, or a loyal readership. Perseverance turns dreams into reality through sheer determination.

To strengthen your perseverance:

• Set clear goals: Break ambitions into manageable steps to maintain focus and momentum.

• Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge progress, no matter how small, to stay motivated.

• Embrace discipline: Motivation fades, but discipline keeps you going even on tough days.

Creating a Life with Purpose

Letting life happen is like drifting on a river, carried wherever the current flows. Creating a life is charting your own course—deciding your destination and steering with intention. It’s about taking responsibility for your happiness, success, failures and your growth, even when the journey is tough.

When you choose to create your life, you align your actions with your values. You decide what matters most—whether it’s pursuing a passion, nurturing relationships, or making a difference—and take deliberate steps toward those goals. This doesn’t mean controlling every outcome; it means controlling your effort and attitude, no matter the circumstances.

For example, someone dreaming of a fulfilling career doesn’t wait for the “perfect job.” They invest in new skills, seek mentors, and take risks to move closer to their vision. They create opportunities rather than hoping for them.

To start crafting your life:

• Define your vision: What does a meaningful life look like to you? Write it down to guide your decisions.

• Take action daily: Small steps, like reading a book or making a call, compound over time.

• Stay adaptable: Life is unpredictable. Adjust your plans while keeping your goals in sight.

The Intersection of Resilience, Perseverance, and Purpose

Resilience and perseverance are not just about surviving; they’re about thriving. They work together to help you overcome obstacles and stay committed to your purpose. When combined with the intention to create your life, they form a powerful formula for personal growth and fulfillment.

Imagine a marathon runner. They train for months, pushing through sore muscles and early mornings (perseverance). On race day, when they hit “the wall” at mile 20, they dig deep, refusing to quit (resilience). Their goal—to cross the finish line—wasn’t just about running; it was about proving they could achieve something extraordinary (purpose). That’s the essence of creating a life.

A Call to Action

Life will always bring challenges, but you have a choice: let them define you or rise above them. Building resilience helps you weather the storms. Choosing perseverance keeps you moving forward. Above all, creating a life that reflects who you are and what you believe in connects you with purpose and joy.

Start today. Take one small step toward a goal that excites you. When you stumble—and you will—get back up. If you need support on this journey, our team is here to help. Connect with one of our therapists by calling (866) 522-2472. Your life is yours to shape. Let resilience and perseverance be your guides, inspired by those, like the young girl in the clip, who show us what it means to keep going.

Understanding OCD: Beyond the Stereotypes

The Misconception of OCD

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is often trivialized as a quirky need for order—like arranging pencils neatly on a desk. Phrases like “I’m so OCD” or “You’re so OCD” are tossed around casually, reducing a complex mental health condition to a cutesy stereotype. This flippant language is harmful, as it obscures the reality of OCD, a disorder that affects approximately 7.6 million children and adults in the United States.

The Reality of Living with OCD

Imagine touching a door with your left hand. For most, this is a fleeting, unremarkable action. For someone with OCD, it can trigger an overwhelming mental alarm. The brain fixates on the act, demanding symmetry or a specific ritual to feel “just right.” This could mean touching the door again with the right hand or performing a specific sequence of actions to ward off a catastrophic outcome—like believing failure to do so will prevent you from making it home safely or cause a piano to fall from the sky.

These aren’t mere superstitions; they’re the result of misfiring brain mechanisms and chemical imbalances. OCD weaves irrational yet deeply convincing fears that drive compulsions—actions that falsely promise relief or safety. The temporary calm, if it comes at all, only reinforces the cycle, embedding the obsession deeper. It’s akin to an addiction, where the brain insists the ritual must be performed to avert disaster, even when it doesn’t.

The Many Faces of OCD

OCD isn’t always about visible rituals. It can manifest as:

• Persistent rumination: Intrusive, looping thoughts that demand constant attention.

• Distressing mental images or thoughts: Unwanted ideas that feel stuck, despite being contrary to one’s true desires.

• Unique manifestations: Symptoms vary widely, far beyond the stereotype of an orderly desk.

Even rational fears can be hijacked by OCD. For example, while ingesting cleaning chemicals is dangerous, an OCD-driven fear of inhaling even a faint whiff of them can spiral into debilitating avoidance. This gray area—where fears have a kernel of truth—makes OCD a master manipulator, complicating efforts to discern reality and pursue treatment.

The Impact and Hope for Recovery

OCD can be profoundly debilitating, disrupting daily life and relationships. Yet, it’s not untreatable. Common interventions include:

• Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): A therapy that gradually exposes individuals to their fears while preventing compulsive responses, helping them confront and reframe the irrationality of their anxieties. Though effective, ERP can be intense and even traumatic for some.

• Medication: Often used alone or alongside therapy to manage symptoms.

• Alternative approaches: Supplements, holistic remedies, or emerging brain therapies offer additional paths to relief.

Recovery is a journey that requires time, trial, and persistence, but hope exists. Understanding OCD’s complexity is the first step toward dismantling its stigma.

Moving Forward

OCD is not a quirk to be trivialized or a punchline to be shared. It’s a serious mental health condition that demands compassion and awareness. By moving beyond stereotypes and acknowledging its true impact, we can foster a culture that supports those living with OCD and encourages meaningful steps toward recovery. Let’s stop treating OCD as anything less than what it is—a challenging but treatable disorder that affects millions.

Seeking Help

If you’re struggling with OCD symptoms, professional support is available. Contact our team of therapists at (866) 522-2472 to start your journey toward recovery.

Welcoming in September: Shane O'Reilly

Shane (he/him) is an intern starting at Birch Counseling in the fall of 2025. He is a former educator with over twenty years of experience teaching high school students writing and literature and supporting other educators in achieving their goals. 

Believing the root of many educational challenges to be in mental health, Shane decided to start a new journey as a counselor. He is excited to bring his experience and desire to help others on their own journey. He believes that every individual is unique, and is passionate about working with clients to help them better understand their thoughts, emotions, and the wonderful and sometimes challenging intersection of the two.

Shane uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as well as existential and person-centered approaches. He was trained in Mindfulness as an educator and brings that expertise to his practice as well. He works with teens and adults experiencing anxiety, depression, interpersonal conflict, emotional dysregulation, life transitions, and other diverse challenges.

Welcoming in September: Julia Rose

Julia (she/her) is a pre-licensed LPCC candidate at Saint Mary’s University of Minnesota. She brings warmth, curiosity, and collaboration into her work, offering a nonjudgmental space where clients can make sense of what they’re facing, reconnect with who they are, and move toward a life that feels more satisfying. Her integrative approach draws from person-centered, existential, and relational-cultural therapies, with a focus on connection, self-compassion, and authenticity. Julia is passionate about working with people navigating anxiety, perfectionism, relationship concerns, life transitions, self-esteem difficulties, or those simply seeking deeper self-understanding and support through life’s challenges. She approaches therapy through a social justice-oriented lens, honoring each client’s lived experience and the broader systems that shape their life. She believes therapy is a powerful space to reconnect with oneself, and is committed to helping others feel seen, understood, and empowered in their growth and healing journey

Mindfulness Micro-Practices for Everyday Calm

In our fast-paced world, finding time for mental well-being can feel daunting. Long meditation sessions or elaborate self-care routines seem out of reach for busy schedules. Enter mindfulness micro-practices—short, intentional exercises that fit seamlessly into daily life, offering quick doses of calm and clarity. These practices, often lasting just 1–5 minutes, are gaining traction in 2025 as people seek accessible ways to manage stress and boost mental health. Here’s a guide to mindfulness micro-practices, why they work, and how you can incorporate them into your routine.

Why Mindfulness Micro-Practices Matter

Mindfulness, the act of being fully present in the moment, has been shown to reduce stress, improve focus, and enhance emotional resilience. Studies, like those from the American Psychological Association, indicate that even brief mindfulness exercises can lower cortisol levels and improve mood. Micro-practices are particularly effective because they’re low-commitment, making them ideal for beginners or those with packed schedules. By integrating small moments of awareness into your day, you can build a habit that compounds over time, fostering long-term mental well-being.

Brief Mindfulness Micro-Practices to Try

Below are five simple micro-practices you can start today. Each takes just a few minutes and requires no special tools, making them perfect for home, work, or on the go.

1. The 4-4-4 Breathing Technique

This quick breathing exercise calms the nervous system and refocuses the mind.

• How to do it: Inhale deeply through your nose for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, and exhale slowly through your mouth for 4 seconds. Repeat 3–5 times.

• When to use it: Before a stressful meeting, during a commute, or when feeling overwhelmed.

• Why it works: Controlled breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, reducing anxiety and promoting relaxation.

2. One-Minute Body Scan

A body scan helps you tune into physical sensations, grounding you in the present.

• How to do it: Sit or stand comfortably. Close your eyes if possible. Starting at your toes, mentally scan your body up to your head, noticing any tension or sensations without judgment. Take 60 seconds to complete the scan.

• When to use it: During a work break, while waiting in line, or before bed.

• Why it works: This practice fosters body awareness, helping you release tension and stay present.

3. Gratitude Pause

Gratitude shifts your focus from stress to positivity, boosting mood in seconds.

• How to do it: Pause and think of one thing you’re grateful for—something as simple as a warm cup of coffee or a kind gesture. Reflect on why it matters for 30 seconds.

• When to use it: First thing in the morning, during lunch, or when feeling low.

• Why it works: Research from UC Berkeley shows gratitude practices increase dopamine, enhancing feelings of well-being.

4. Five Senses Check-In

This exercise anchors you in the present by engaging your senses.

• How to do it: Pause and notice 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste (or imagine tasting). Take 1–2 minutes to complete.

• When to use it: When feeling distracted, anxious, or disconnected.

• Why it works: Engaging the senses redirects your mind from racing thoughts to the immediate environment.

5. Micro-Meditation

A brief meditation can reset your mental state in moments.

• How to do it: Find a quiet spot. Close your eyes and focus on your breath or a single word (like “calm”). Focusing on ambient white noise can also help soothe and calm your mind. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back. Do this for 1–3 minutes.

• When to use it: During transitions between tasks, after a tough conversation, or before sleep.

• Why it works: Meditation has strong empirical support for its benefits, including findings from a Harvard study

Tips for Making Micro-Practices a Habit

• Start Small: Choose one practice and try it once a day for a week.

• Set Triggers: Link practices to daily routines, like doing a gratitude pause while brushing your teeth.

• Use Reminders: Set a phone alarm or sticky note to prompt you until the habit sticks.

• Be Flexible: If one practice doesn’t resonate, try another. The goal is consistency, not perfection.

• Track Progress: Jot down how you feel after each practice to stay motivated.

Final Thoughts

Mindfulness micro-practices are a powerful way to bring calm and clarity into your day, no matter how busy you are. By dedicating just a few minutes to intentional breathing, gratitude, or sensory awareness, you can reduce stress and build resilience over time. Start with one practice, experiment, and find what works for you. Your mind will thank you.

If you are struggling with stress or anxiety, we're here to provide support. Please call us at (866) 522-2472 for assistance.

Navigating Grief and Caregiving When Your Spouse Has Dementia

Losing a spouse to dementia is a heart-wrenching journey, marked by a unique form of grief known as "ambiguous loss." This type of grief arises because the person you love is still physically present, yet their personality, memories, and abilities are gradually slipping away. The prolonged grieving process, compounded by the demands of caregiving, can evoke a complex mix of emotions—sadness, anger, guilt, and even relief. Below, we explore the grief process, offer coping strategies, and share tips for communicating with a spouse living with dementia.

Understanding the Grief Process

Ambiguous Loss

Ambiguous loss is the painful experience of losing the essence of your spouse while they are still alive. As dementia progresses, their personality, memories, and ability to connect may fade, leaving you grieving the person they once were. This gradual erosion can make it difficult to process your emotions, as the loss feels ongoing and undefined.

Disenfranchised Grief

The grief of caring for a spouse with dementia is often misunderstood or overlooked by others. Friends and family may not fully recognize the depth of your loss, as your spouse is still physically present. This lack of acknowledgment, known as disenfranchised grief, can intensify feelings of isolation and make the grieving process even more challenging.

Stages of Grief

Grief is not a linear journey. You may cycle through stages like denial, anger, guilt, sadness, and acceptance, often in no particular order. These emotions may ebb and flow as you navigate your spouse’s condition and the changes it brings to your life.

Possible Feelings

It’s normal to experience a range of emotions, including:

• Sadness: Mourning the loss of your shared life and connection.

• Shock and Disbelief: Struggling to accept the reality of your spouse’s decline.

• Anger or Resentment: Feeling frustrated with the disease, your situation, or even your spouse.

• Guilt: Questioning whether you’re doing enough or feeling relief when caregiving responsibilities lessen.

• Relief: Experiencing moments of relief, especially after their passing, which can feel confusing or shameful.

Loss of Purpose

For many caregivers, caring for a spouse with dementia becomes a central part of life. After their passing, you may feel a profound loss of purpose, especially if caregiving defined your daily routine. This transition can be disorienting and may require time to rediscover meaning and direction.

Coping with Grief and Supporting Your Spouse

Grief is a deeply personal journey, and there’s no “right” way to navigate it. Here are some strategies to help you cope while continuing to care for your spouse:

Be Kind to Yourself

Allow yourself the time and space to grieve without judgment. Acknowledge that caregiving and grief are exhausting, and it’s okay to prioritize your well-being. Don’t hesitate to ask for help from family, friends, or professionals when you need it.

Seek Support

Connecting with others who understand your experience can be incredibly validating. Consider joining a support group—either in person or online—where you can share your feelings and learn from others caring for loved ones with dementia. Organizations like the Alzheimer’s Association offer resources and support groups tailored to caregivers.

Communicate

Even if your spouse’s ability to understand or respond is limited, talking to them about your feelings and theirs can foster connection. Share simple, heartfelt sentiments, and be present in the moment, even if the conversation feels one-sided.

Validate Their Feelings

Your spouse may experience confusion, fear, or frustration due to their condition. Acknowledge their emotions, even if they can’t fully articulate them. Offer comfort through kind words, a gentle touch, or simply sitting together in silence.

Focus on the Present

Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you stay grounded. Whether it’s taking a walk, listening to music, or spending time with loved ones, small moments of happiness can provide relief and perspective.

Consider Professional Help

If grief feels overwhelming or unmanageable, a therapist or counselor can offer tools to navigate your emotions. Look for professionals experienced in grief counseling or dementia caregiving for tailored support.

Remember the Good Times

Keep your spouse’s spirit alive by sharing stories and memories with family or friends. Reflecting on happy moments can help you honor your relationship and find comfort amidst the pain.

Tips for Communicating with Your Spouse with Dementia

Communicating with a spouse who has dementia requires patience and adaptability. Here are some practical tips to maintain connection and reduce frustration:

Keep It Simple

Use clear, concise language and avoid complex explanations. Break information into small, manageable pieces to make it easier for your spouse to process.

Be Patient

Repetition is common with dementia. Be prepared to answer the same questions multiple times without showing frustration. Respond with kindness and consistency to create a sense of security.

Read Their Emotions

Pay attention to nonverbal cues, such as body language or tone of voice, to gauge your spouse’s emotional state. These signals can provide insight into their feelings when words fail.

Focus on the Present

If your spouse becomes agitated or confused, gently redirect their attention to something positive, like a favorite activity or a soothing environment. Avoid dwelling on topics that cause distress.

Final Thoughts

Caring for a spouse with dementia while facing ambiguous loss is an incredibly challenging journey. Be patient with yourself as you navigate this complex grief, and remember that there’s no “correct” way to feel. By seeking support, practicing self-compassion, and staying connected with your spouse in meaningful ways, you can find strength to carry on. Your love and dedication, even in the face of loss, are a testament to the bond you share.

For additional resources, consider exploring organizations like the Alzheimer’s Association or local caregiving support networks to find community, respite care and guidance on this path.

If you are a caregiver needing support, we are here to help. Connect with one of our therapists by calling (866) 522-2472.

Youth Suicide: A Critical Call for Awareness and Action

Youth suicide is a heartbreaking public health crisis affecting individuals aged 10-24 in the United States. Understanding the risk factors, recognizing warning signs, and promoting protective factors are essential steps in preventing these tragic losses. This blog explores the issue and offers practical guidance for support.

The Scope of the Crisis

Suicide is a leading cause of death for young people aged 10-24, with rates rising sharply in recent years. The crisis is driven by complex factors, but with awareness and intervention, we can make a difference.

Risk Factors for Youth Suicide

Several factors increase the likelihood of suicidal thoughts and behaviors:

• Mental Health Conditions: Severe depression, anxiety, or psychotic disorders significantly elevate risk.

• Substance Misuse: Alcohol and drug abuse can amplify suicidal thoughts by impairing judgment.

• Prior Suicide Attempts: A history of attempts is a strong predictor of future risk.

• Family History: A family history of suicide or mental health issues increases vulnerability.

• Traumatic Experiences: Sexual violence, bullying, or discrimination can trigger mental health struggles.

• Loss or Change: Major losses, like a loved one’s death or a breakup, can be overwhelming.

• Access to Lethal Means: Unsecured firearms or medications heighten the risk of completion.

• Social Isolation: Lack of support from family or friends exacerbates feelings of loneliness.

• Barriers to Care: Limited access to mental health services leaves many without help.

Warning Signs to Watch For

Recognizing warning signs is critical for early intervention. Look for:

• Talking About Death: Statements like “I wish I was dead” or “I want to disappear.”

• Hopelessness: Expressing that life will never improve or lacks purpose.

• Feeling Trapped or Burdensome: Believing they’re stuck or others are better off without them.

• Behavioral Changes: Increased substance use, withdrawing from activities, giving away possessions, or reckless actions.

• Mood Shifts: Signs of depression, anxiety, irritability, or anger.

• Planning Suicide: Researching methods or making plans to die.

• Saying Goodbye: Contacting loved ones to bid farewell.

What to Do If You’re Concerned

If you suspect a young person is at risk:

1. Stay With Them: Ensure they’re not alone and are safe.

2. Listen Without Judgment: Show you care and validate their feelings.

3. Encourage Help-Seeking: Suggest speaking to a trusted adult or professional.

4. Contact a Crisis Line: Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line).

5. Seek Emergency Help: Call 911 if there’s immediate danger.

Protective Factors: Building Resilience

Promoting these factors can reduce suicide risk:

• Family and Peer Support: Strong, positive relationships foster a sense of belonging.

• School and Community Connection: Feeling part of a community builds resilience.

• Healthy Coping Skills: Teaching stress management and problem-solving empowers youth.

• Access to Mental Health Care: Timely, effective treatment is crucial.

A Call to Action

Youth suicide is preventable with awareness and action. By recognizing warning signs, addressing risk factors, and promoting protective factors, we can save lives. If someone you know is struggling, act immediately—reach out, listen, and connect them to help.

Resources:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 for 24/7 support.

• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 for free crisis support.

• The Trevor Project: Support for LGBTQ+ youth (www.thetrevorproject.org).

• NAMI: Mental health resources (www.nami.org).

Let’s work together to ensure no young person feels alone. Reach out, support, and act—every step counts.

We are here to connect you or your loved one with mental health support. Please contact us at (866) 522-2472 for assistance.

An Empath’s Heart in a Narcissist’s Game: A Tale of Love and Lessons

Allie thought she had found her soulmate in Ryan. From the moment they met, his charm and adoration swept her off her feet. By their seventh date, he told her he loved her.  It felt as though he embraced every part of her—even the insecurities that haunted her. In his eyes, she felt seen, valued, and truly alive. Life burst with joy and possibility, and she believed Ryan was her happiness. But beneath his radiant facade, a darker side soon emerged.

The Slow Shift from Love to Control

Over time, Ryan’s affection turned to irritation and criticism. His once-loving words became sharp, cutting into Allie’s confidence. He began controlling her decisions—where she went, what she did, even how she thought. He’d talk about “working things out,” but that always meant she  had to change. She found herself tiptoeing around his reactions, compromising her boundaries to avoid his anger, which terrified and confused her. When she stood her ground, Ryan pushed back harder, his words echoing her deepest fears, sometimes screaming that she wasn’t enough.

Their relationship became one-sided: Ryan took, and Allie gave. At times, he acted like a controlling parent, reducing her to a frightened child. Other times, he was the wounded child, demanding endless reassurance that she loved him and wouldn’t leave. Allie tried so hard to understand and please him, but conflict and pain seemed inevitable. She felt like she was losing her grip on reality: events she vividly recalled, he claimed never happened. His denial made her question her own truth, leaving her feeling unmoored. Yet, the fleeting memories of his rare warmth, vulnerability, and charm kept her tethered to him. Like an addict, she chased the fading highs of their early days.

Doubt and Exhaustion

Desperate for clarity, Allie sought advice from friends and family. Was this normal? Don’t all relationships have challenges? She was terrified of giving up too soon, of returning to a life without him. So, she buried her doubts and poured her heart into making it work. But Ryan accused her of not trying hard enough, while she exhausted herself to keep them afloat. She couldn’t stop wondering: should love feel this painful?

Breaking points came and went, each one chipping away at Allie’s spirit. Deep down, she knew staying with Ryan would leave her a shell of herself. Leaving felt unbearable.  However, when the final breaking point hit, Allie found the courage to choose herself—her emotional safety, happiness, wellbeing. It was agonizing, but she knew it was the only way to save herself.

Reclaiming Her Strength

The pain of leaving Ryan was overwhelming. She couldn’t imagine it ever hurting less. But in a quiet corner of her mind, a flicker of hope whispered that things would get better. And they did. Slowly, Allie rebuilt her life, rediscovering her power and pride in her resilience. That toxic relationship became a profound teacher, guiding Allie toward self-love and strength.

Words can’t fully capture the pain of living this experience. If any part of Allie’s story resonates with you, please know this: you are worthy of a partner who is kind, respectful, and uplifting. You are worthy of LOVE. Relationships are not always easy, but it should be a partnership, a healthy give-and-take—not a one-sided drain.

A Message of Hope

If you’re trapped in a similar dynamic, trust that you have the strength within you to choose yourself. The path to healing can be rocky, but it leads to a life where you can thrive, not just survive. You deserve to feel safe, seen, and whole.

We’re here to connect you with a therapist who can help you break free from the cycle of abuse. Contact us at (866) 522-2472.

Welcoming Rachel Howard

We are very excited to announce that Rachel Howard, MSW, LGSW will join our team in July!

Rachel is a compassionate and skilled mental health professional with a Master of Social Work and extensive experience delivering clinical services in diverse settings. Specializing in evidence-based practices such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Solution-Focused Therapy, and Narrative Therapy, she crafts personalized treatment plans to foster transformative growth. Rachel has a strong commitment to underserved populations, including women transitioning out of homelessness and children with behavioral health needs. Her diverse background in corporate project management, teaching, and service in the U.S. Army Reserve enriches her culturally responsive, client-centered approach. Passionate about empowering individuals and families, Rachel seeks to promote lasting change through empathetic and evidence-based care.

Is A.D.H.D. Misunderstood? New Data and Perspective on Diagnosis and Treatment

The below is based on an article by Paul Tough. It was published on April 13, 2025 in the New York Times Magazine.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (A.D.H.D.) diagnoses are at an all-time high, with 11.4% of American children—7 million kids—carrying the label in 2023, a sharp rise from 2 million in the 1990s. Alongside this surge, prescriptions for stimulant medications like Ritalin and Adderall have skyrocketed, increasing 58% from 2012 to 2022. But as the numbers climb, a growing chorus of experts is questioning whether we’ve been approaching A.D.H.D. correctly, challenging the assumption that it’s a purely biological disorder requiring a medical fix.

The Rise of A.D.H.D. and the M.T.A. Study

In the early 1990s, James Swanson, a research psychologist at UC Irvine, found himself at the center of a contentious debate. The Church of Scientology was protesting Ritalin, the go-to A.D.H.D. medication, accusing psychiatry of “drugging kids.” At the time, A.D.H.D. diagnoses doubled from under a million in 1990 to over two million by 1993, with most children prescribed Ritalin. Swanson, believing 3% of kids had A.D.H.D., saw this as appropriate.

To address questions about Ritalin’s efficacy, Swanson led the Multimodal Treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (M.T.A.) study, a landmark trial comparing stimulants, behavioral therapy, and combined approaches. Initial results in 1999 showed Ritalin significantly reduced symptoms after 14 months compared to behavioral therapy alone, cementing its use. However, by 36 months, all groups—including those without treatment—had similar symptom levels, revealing no long-term behavioral benefits. Worse, children on Ritalin grew about an inch shorter on average, a gap that persisted into adulthood.

Swanson, now 80, is troubled by these findings and the A.D.H.D. field’s direction. “There are things about the way we do this work that just are definitely wrong,” he says.

Challenging the Medical Model

The traditional view of A.D.H.D. as a fixed, brain-based disorder—often compared to “diabetes of the brain”—is losing ground. Edmund Sonuga-Barke, a researcher at King’s College London, notes a disconnect: “We have a clinical definition of A.D.H.D. that is increasingly unanchored from what we’re finding in our science.” Despite decades of searching, no reliable biological marker (like a brain scan or genetic test) confirms A.D.H.D. as a distinct condition. The 2017 Enigma Consortium study, for instance, found negligible brain differences in A.D.H.D. patients, undermining claims of a clear neurological basis.

Sonuga-Barke argues A.D.H.D. symptoms exist on a continuum, not as a binary “you have it or you don’t” condition. Environmental factors—like trauma, anxiety, or an unsuitable setting—can mimic or exacerbate symptoms, complicating diagnosis. Over 75% of kids with A.D.H.D. have another mental health condition, such as anxiety or a learning disorder, blurring the lines further.

Medication’s Limits

Stimulants like Ritalin and Adderall, rooted in a 1937 discovery by psychiatrist Charles Bradley, remain the standard treatment. They often produce striking short-term behavioral improvements, described by researcher F. Xavier Castellanos as “almost mystical.” Yet, studies consistently show they don’t enhance academic performance. A 2023 study by Elizabeth Bowman found adults on stimulants worked harder on cognitive tasks but performed no better than those on placebos. A 2022 study by William Pelham Jr. showed similar results in children: better behavior, but no learning gains.

Why do families still rely on these drugs? Research by Martha Farah suggests stimulants boost confidence and motivation, making boring tasks feel engaging. As sociologist Scott Vrecko found, students describe falling “in love” with their work on Adderall, not because it sharpens their intellect but because it makes tedious tasks tolerable—a phenomenon historically seen in soldiers, housewives, and truckers using amphetamines to endure monotony.

But the downsides are significant. Beyond growth suppression, stimulants carry risks of addiction and, per a 2024 study, tripled odds of psychosis or mania at medium doses. Many teens, like “Cap” and “John,” dislike the emotional flattening or appetite loss, often stopping medication outside school. Cap used Ritalin situationally for SAT prep and baseball, while John felt “completely regular” without Adderall in summer, highlighting A.D.H.D.’s context-driven nature.

A New Perspective: Environment Matters

Recent M.T.A. studies reveal A.D.H.D. symptoms fluctuate over time, with only 11% of diagnosed kids showing consistent symptoms year after year. Margaret Sibley notes that 40% of non-A.D.H.D. kids in the study later met diagnostic criteria, suggesting environmental changes—like a demanding school—can trigger symptoms. A.D.H.D., it seems, isn’t always a fixed disorder but a condition shaped by context.

In 2016, M.T.A. researchers interviewed young adults who had A.D.H.D. as kids. Many reported their symptoms vanished after finding a “niche”—a career or study path aligning with their interests, like film, hairstyling, or auto repair. These environments, whether cognitively demanding or hands-on, felt “intrinsically interesting,” reducing distraction. Sibley found symptoms often improved during high-demand periods, challenging the idea that A.D.H.D. worsens under pressure.

Sonuga-Barke proposes a new model: A.D.H.D. symptoms signal a mismatch between a person’s biology and environment, not a brain defect. He advocates building supportive settings—like engaging schools or jobs—over relying solely on medication. This approach, he argues, improves mental health and self-esteem, reducing the stigma of being “defective.”

The Stigma of Diagnosis

Labeling A.D.H.D. a “brain disorder” can backfire. While some families find a diagnosis empowering, Luise Kazda’s 2021 review found it often increases shame and isolation, fostering an identity tied to prejudice. Sonuga-Barke’s model, by contrast, frames A.D.H.D. as a trait on a spectrum, encouraging families to explore environmental tweaks—like a new school—or address co-occurring issues like anxiety, alongside medication if needed.

A Path Forward

Rethinking A.D.H.D. as a contextual condition requires flexibility from families and doctors, but it offers hope. It aligns with science showing symptoms aren’t fixed and empowers kids to see themselves as “different, not defective.” For some, medication may help navigate tough environments; for others, finding the right niche could be transformative. As Sonuga-Barke reflects from his own A.D.H.D. journey—thriving in college after struggling in school—the key is creating a world that fits the unique wiring of each mind.

Paul Tough is a contributing writer for The New York Times Magazine, focusing on education and child development for over two decades.

Managing ADHD in Adults: Understanding Symptoms and Coping Strategies

Living with ADHD as an adult can feel like navigating a maze with moving walls. You might struggle to finish tasks, stay organized, or find the motivation others seem to access effortlessly. If you’ve ever felt guilt or frustration over incomplete projects or restless energy, you’re not alone. Adult ADHD is real, and while it presents challenges, there are practical ways to work with your brain to thrive. Let’s explore what ADHD looks like in adults and share strategies to manage its symptoms effectively.

What Is Adult ADHD?

ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) isn’t just a childhood condition. While many are diagnosed as kids, symptoms often persist into adulthood, and some people aren’t diagnosed until later in life. Adult ADHD can manifest as difficulty focusing, impulsivity, or restlessness, but it’s not always the “hyperactive” stereotype. There are three main types:

• Predominantly Inattentive: Struggling with focus, organization, or completing tasks.

• Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive: Acting on impulse or feeling restless.

• Combined: A mix of both inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive symptoms.

For most adults, ADHD symptoms don’t vanish entirely, but they can evolve. You might not be climbing furniture like you did as a kid, but you could find yourself restless, bored, or jumping between projects without finishing them.

Common Symptoms of Adult ADHD

Here’s how ADHD might show up in your daily life:

• Inattention:

  • Making careless mistakes due to trouble focusing on details.

  • Struggling to stay focused during work, conversations, or leisure.

  • Seeming to “tune out” when spoken to directly.

  • Having difficulty following through on instructions or finishing tasks.

  • Struggling to organize tasks, time, or belongings.

  • Avoiding tasks requiring sustained mental effort, like paperwork.

  • Frequently losing items like keys, wallets, or phones.

  • Getting easily distracted by external stimuli or wandering thoughts.

  • Forgetting daily responsibilities, like appointments or bills.

• Hyperactivity and Impulsivity:

  • Feeling restless or fidgety, like you can’t sit still.

  • Interrupting others or blurting out thoughts impulsively.

  • Struggling to wait your turn in conversations or situations.

  • Starting new projects before finishing existing ones.

  • Seeking constant stimulation or novelty.

These symptoms can lead to frustration, low self-esteem, or challenges in relationships and work. But understanding them is the first step to managing them.

Coping Strategies for Adult ADHD

There’s no one-size-fits-all cure for ADHD, but you can harness your brain’s unique wiring—its love for novelty, creativity, and energy—to build a more productive and fulfilling life. Here are practical strategies to cope with ADHD symptoms:

1. Embrace Your Strengths

The ADHD mind thrives on excitement and creativity. Instead of fighting it, lean into it. Approach tasks from fresh angles or use new tools to make routine work feel engaging. For example, if paperwork feels daunting, try gamifying it with a timer or colorful organization apps to spark interest.

2. Break Tasks Into Small Steps

Big goals can feel overwhelming. Break them into bite-sized, actionable steps and commit to one small action daily. For instance, instead of “organize my desk,” start with “sort one drawer today.” Small wins build momentum and make larger goals feel achievable.

3. Set Realistic Goals

Dream big, but start small. Setting unattainable goals can lead to frustration. Instead, create specific, measurable targets—like “spend 10 minutes on emails each morning.” Consistently hitting small goals fosters habits that pave the way for bigger successes.

4. Create Structure and Routines

ADHD brains often resist rigid routines, but flexible structure can help. Use tools like planners, apps, or visual reminders to stay on track. For example, set phone alarms for key tasks or use a whiteboard for daily priorities. Keep routines simple to avoid overwhelm.

5. Minimize Distractions

Identify what pulls your focus—phone notifications, noisy environments, or cluttered spaces—and take steps to reduce them. Try noise-canceling headphones, turn off non-essential notifications, or designate a distraction-free workspace for important tasks.

6. Use Timers and Time-Blocking

Time management can be tough with ADHD. Techniques like the Pomodoro method (working for 25 minutes, then taking a 5-minute break) can keep you focused. Time-blocking—assigning specific time slots to tasks—also helps you stay on track without feeling trapped.

7. Seek Support

You don’t have to navigate ADHD alone. Consider working with a therapist, coach, or support group specializing in ADHD. They can offer tailored strategies and accountability. If appropriate, consult a healthcare provider about medication options, which can help manage symptoms for some.

8. Practice Self-Compassion

ADHD can make you feel like you’re falling short, but beating yourself up drains energy. Accept your limitations and focus on what you can do. Celebrate progress, no matter how small, and remind yourself that ADHD is a neurological difference, not a personal failure.

Turning Challenges Into Opportunities

Adult ADHD can make life feel like a constant juggling act, but it also comes with unique strengths—like creativity, enthusiasm, and out-of-the-box thinking. By understanding your symptoms and experimenting with strategies that align with your brain’s wiring, you can turn challenges into opportunities. Over time, you’ll build systems and habits that help you tackle daily tasks and pursue your goals with confidence.

If you’re struggling, know that you’re not alone, and small changes can make a big difference. Start with one strategy, tweak it to fit your life, and watch how your ADHD mind can shine.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Explore ADHD-friendly tools like task apps (e.g., Todoist, Trello) or connect with a professional to create a personalized plan. Your journey with ADHD is unique—embrace it, and find what works for you!

A toxic dance: Empaths and Narcissists in love

The dynamic between an empath and a narcissist is often described as a magnetic yet destructive dance. Empaths, with their deep capacity for understanding and absorbing others’ emotions, are naturally drawn to narcissists, who thrive on attention and admiration. This relationship, while initially compelling, can become a breeding ground for emotional turmoil and abuse. Let’s explore the characteristics of both, why they’re drawn to each other, and the challenges they face.

Understanding the Empath

Empaths are highly sensitive individuals who feel emotions deeply—both their own and those of others. They are often compassionate, intuitive, and driven by a desire to help or heal. Key traits include:

• Emotional attunement: They sense others’ feelings, often taking them on as their own.

• Selflessness: Empaths prioritize others’ needs, often at their own expense.

• Intuitive insight: They can read situations and people with remarkable accuracy.

These qualities make empaths natural caregivers, but they also leave them vulnerable to those who seek to exploit their kindness.

Understanding the Narcissist

Narcissists are characterized by a seemingly insatiable need for validation, a sense of entitlement, and a lack of genuine empathy. Their traits, often associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), include:

• Grandiosity: An inflated sense of self-importance.

• Need for admiration: They crave constant attention and validation.

• Lack of empathy: They struggle to understand or care about others’ feelings.

Narcissists tend to display charm and confidence, which many find captivating. Empaths, highly sensitive to emotional needs, are drawn to the hidden fragility and insecurity beneath this facade.

The Attraction: A Perfect Storm

The empath-narcissist relationship is fueled by complementary needs. The narcissist’s charisma and confidence draw the empath in, who sees someone in need of love or healing. The empath’s nurturing nature feeds the narcissist’s desire for admiration, creating an initial sense of harmony. However, this dynamic is rarely sustainable.

• The empath’s pull: Empaths believe they can “fix” or save others, and a narcissist’s outward confidence may mask insecurities that the empath feels compelled to soothe.

• The narcissist’s pull: Narcissists are drawn to empaths because they provide an endless supply of attention, validation, and emotional support.

This mutual attraction creates a powerful bond, but it tilts heavily in the narcissist’s favor.

A Toxic Cycle

After the initial euphoria wears off, narcissists like to use put-downs as a deliberate tactic to gain control over their partners, leveraging criticism to undermine their confidence and independence. By belittling their partner’s achievements, appearance, or worth, they create a power imbalance, fostering dependency and self-doubt. These subtle or overt insults—ranging from mocking comments to dismissive behaviors—are designed to keep the partner seeking approval, thus reinforcing the narcissist’s dominance. This manipulation feeds the narcissist’s need for admiration while eroding the partner’s sense of self, trapping them in a cycle of emotional reliance.

Their toxic cycle is marked by:

• Emotional drain: The narcissist’s demands exhaust the empath’s energy.

• Manipulation: Tactics like gaslighting and blame-shifting leave the empath questioning their reality.

• Loss of self: The empath’s identity fades as their needs are sidelined.

• Power imbalance: The narcissist’s need for control overshadows the empath’s desire to please.

Over time, the empath feels trapped and exhausted, while the narcissist grows frustrated by their depleted partner’s growing inability to meet their needs.

Breaking the Cycle

For empaths, breaking free from a narcissist’s grip requires self-awareness and boundary-setting. Here are some steps to consider:

1. Recognize the pattern: Understanding the narcissist’s behavior and its impact is the first step toward change.

2. Set boundaries: Empaths must learn to prioritize their own needs and say “no” to excessive demands.

3. Seek support: Therapy or support groups can help empaths rebuild their sense of self and learn healthy coping mechanisms.

4. Limit contact: Reducing or cutting contact with the narcissist may be necessary to regain emotional balance.

For narcissists, change is more challenging, as self-awareness is often limited. However, therapy can help address underlying insecurities and foster healthier relationships.

Can it Work?

In rare cases, with mutual effort and professional support, an empath and a narcissist might find a healthier balance. This requires the narcissist to acknowledge their behavior and work toward change, while the empath maintains strong boundaries. More often, however, the relationship remains unsustainable without significant personal growth from both parties.

Final Thoughts

The empath-narcissist dynamic is a complex interplay of emotional giving and taking. While the initial connection can feel electric, it usually leads to pain and imbalance. For empaths, recognizing their worth and learning to protect their energy is key. For narcissists, self-reflection and a willingness to grow can pave the way for healthier connections. Understanding this relationship dynamic can help both parties navigate their interactions with greater clarity and self-awareness.

If you’re feeling stuck in a harmful relationship dynamic, we’re here to help you find support. Connect with one of our therapists by calling us at (866) 522-2472.

Joining us July 7: Kelly Dodson, MA

We are thrilled to announce that Kelly Dodson will be joining our team soon!

Kelly understands that sometimes we feel overwhelmed by the ups and downs of life, like a kaleidoscope of shifting emotions and experiences. Whether you’re an adult trying to have everything "figured out," a teenager navigating daily pressures, or a college student juggling school and life, it can be a lot to handle. Kelly’s approach to therapy is person-centered and strengths based, emphasizing that the client has within them the resources needed to overcome life’s challenges; it is a matter of uncovering and utilizing these skills. She has a personable, easy-going mindset and utilizes skills such as mindfulness, motivational interviewing, and reflective listening to hold space for clients to change in their own way and at a pace that is comfortable for them.

Kelly graduated with her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from the University of North Georgia and then continued on to receive a master’s degree in Professional Counseling from Liberty University. In her spare time Kelly loves to read, write, spend time outdoors, and spend time with her family and three cats. Kelly is receiving clinical supervision from a qualified, licensed supervisor until completion of full licensure.  

Anger: undermining strength and connection

Anger is a complex emotion. When directed at us, it feels uncomfortable, even threatening. Yet, when we experience it ourselves, it can feel exhilarating—a surge of righteousness that makes us feel superior or powerful. But this power is an illusion. Anger, in fact, erodes our control, clouding our judgment as our brain shifts into fight-or-flight mode. In this state, clear thinking takes a backseat, and we start to see ourselves as victims, blaming others for our distress. This mindset fractures relationships, isolates us from loved ones, and makes others hesitant to approach us with anything that might trigger a reaction.

The Strength of Staying Calm

Think about the people in your life who stay calm under pressure. Their quiet confidence pulls others toward them, radiating strength without effort. Animals can teach us this too. My dog, Mojo, had a commanding presence but rarely reacted to provocation. If a pesky pup annoyed him, he’d respond with a gentle paw, nothing more, and otherwise remained steady. This restraint made him trustworthy. Even people who usually disliked dogs were drawn to him, charmed by his calm, magnetic demeanor. In his entire life, Mojo showed aggression only twice—both times justified, measured, and in tune with the cues around him. His composure earned respect and forged connections, showing that true power comes from self-control.

Another example might be Mike Ehrmantraut from Better Call Saul. He embodies staying focused on what matters. While also deeply flawed, this character’s strength lies in his ability to keep the big picture in view. Mike doesn’t waste energy on petty insults or minor threats. When action is required, he responds decisively, calm and composed, never letting emotions cloud his judgment. This self-control makes him formidable—not through loudness or aggression, but through quiet resolve.

The Power of Managing Anger

Managing anger doesn’t diminish your strength—it amplifies it. By recognizing your internal triggers early, you can distinguish between real threats and mere annoyances. Most of what sparks anger falls into the latter category. When you learn to address these moments calmly, you create space for clearer communication and stronger connections. People relax around you. They listen more attentively because they’re not on edge, bracing for a fight-or-flight response. Over time, you may find that trust flows both ways: you trust others more, and they trust you. You begin to see others as human, just like you, capable of mistakes but also worthy of understanding.

A Simple Way to Start

You can begin managing your anger today, starting with a common trigger: traffic. The next time someone cuts you off, pause and imagine their story. Perhaps they’ve had a rough day—maybe they lost their job or are worried about a sick child. Picture them as someone who, like you, has struggled to feel loved or understood, resorting to aggression as a way to cope. Craft a story rooted in compassion. You’ll be surprised how this shift in perspective softens your reaction. That same compassion you extend outward often returns, fostering kinder thoughts about yourself and others. As you let go of the victim mindset, your life opens up to new possibilities.

By choosing calm over chaos, you reclaim your power and build stronger, more trusting relationships. Start small, stay mindful, and watch how your world transforms.

If you’re seeking help with managing anger, our team is happy to connect you with one of our therapists. Contact us at (866) 522-2472 to get started.

Understanding OCD: Beyond Everyday Language

The word “obsession” gets thrown around a lot these days—like saying you’re “obsessed” with a TV show or a new hobby. But using the term so casually can water down its real meaning, especially when it comes to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). In the mental health world, an obsession isn’t just liking something a lot. It’s a persistent, unwanted thought, urge, or image that barges into your mind and causes serious stress or anxiety.

Similarly, people often jokingly say they’re “so OCD” because they like things neat or organized. But being tidy isn’t the same as having OCD. OCD is a serious condition that involves distressing thoughts and often leads to repetitive behaviors to try to ease the anxiety. Calling someone “OCD” because they like a clean desk can make light of what people with OCD actually go through.

What Obsessions really look like in OCD

To give you a clearer picture, here are some common types of obsessions people with OCD might experience, based on tools like the Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsive Scale (Y-BOCS):

• Worrying you might accidentally hurt someone

• Disturbing or violent images popping into your head

• Fear of causing something terrible, like a car accident or a house fire

• Constant stress about getting sick or spreading germs

• Unwanted sexual thoughts or images

• Worrying about offending your beliefs or morals

• Feeling like everything needs to be “perfectly” right or wrong

• Needing things arranged in a certain way to avoid something bad

• Feeling driven to remember or know specific details

• Fear of saying something wrong or inappropriate

• A nagging need for things to feel “just right”

These aren’t passing thoughts or quirky preferences. They’re intrusive, upsetting, and can make you feel trapped, often pushing you to do things to try to calm the anxiety.

How Compulsions Fit In

With OCD, obsessions often come with compulsions—actions or mental rituals you feel compelled to do to ease the stress from those thoughts. For example, if you’re terrified of germs, you might wash your hands over and over. Or if you’re scared you might harm someone, you might keep checking to make sure you didn’t. These actions might feel like they help for a moment, but they actually keep the cycle of anxiety going, which is why getting professional help is so important.

Evidence Based Treatment for OCD

The good news is OCD can be managed. The most effective treatment is called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). It works by slowly helping you face your fears without giving in to the compulsions. Over time, this reduces the power of those obsessive thoughts and helps you feel more in control.

Seeking Help

If you or someone you care about is dealing with persistent, upsetting thoughts or feels stuck doing rituals to manage anxiety, it’s worth talking to a professional. Look for a mental health therapist who knows OCD well or has training in treating it. Getting help can make a big difference in feeling better and living life more fully.

We’re here to help you find the right therapist. Call (866) 522-2472 to set up a consultation.

Unraveling Emotional Eating: Why We Eat Our Feelings

Have you ever grabbed a bag of chips after a tough day or reached for chocolate when you’re feeling down? That’s emotional eating—turning to food to cope with feelings like stress, sadness, or boredom, instead of eating because your body needs fuel. Unlike eating to satisfy physical hunger, emotional eating is driven by emotions and can lead to overeating, weight gain, and feelings of guilt or regret.

Here’s the deal: emotional eating is like using food as a cozy blanket to soothe negative emotions. It’s not about enjoying a meal but about finding quick comfort. Research points to several reasons why this happens:

• Strict Dieting: Constantly restricting food can make you more likely to eat when emotions run high.

• Missing Hunger Cues: Some people struggle to tell if they’re truly hungry or full, so they eat based on feelings instead.

• Trouble Expressing Emotions: Known as alexithymia, difficulty identifying or sharing emotions can lead to using food as a coping tool.

• Stress Responses: A disrupted stress system (like the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis) can trigger emotional eating.

• Life and Genetics: Childhood experiences, like inconsistent emotional support, or genetic tendencies can make some people more prone to eating when upset.

Emotional eating is closely tied to mental health, especially depression. When you’re feeling low, you might eat for comfort, which can lead to weight gain. That extra weight can make you feel even worse, creating a hard-to-break cycle.

So, what can you do? Research shows mindful eating—paying full attention to your food and your body’s signals—can help. It’s about enjoying your meals without judgment and recognizing whether you’re eating out of hunger or emotion. Tools like mindfulness practices, journaling, or therapy can also teach you healthier ways to handle stress and emotions.

Easy Ways to Eat Mindfully

Want to try mindful eating? Here are some simple tips to get started:

• Ditch Distractions: Put your phone away, turn off the TV, and focus on your meal. Notice and appreciate the colors, smells, and textures.

• Slow Down: Take small bites and chew slowly, savoring each one like it’s a gourmet treat. Pause to check if you’re still hungry or starting to feel full.

• Check Your Mood: Before eating, ask yourself, “Am I physically hungry, or am I stressed or bored?” This quick check-in can make a big difference.

• Choose Feel-Good Foods: Pick a juicy piece of fruit over a candy bar, or enjoy a smaller portion of your favorite treat—savor every bite!

Mindful eating helps you enjoy food, manage stress, and build healthier habits. It can lead to eating less, feeling fuller, and breaking free from the cycle of emotional eating. Learning to manage emotions is a key part of this journey, helping you feel more in control and confident.

If you’re ready to tackle emotional eating or want tips for healthier ways to cope with stress, we’re here to help! Reach out to us at (866) 522-2472 for support in finding balance and feeling better.