An Empath’s Heart in a Narcissist’s Game: A Tale of Love and Lessons

Allie thought she had found her soulmate in Ryan. From the moment they met, his charm and adoration swept her off her feet. By their seventh date, he told her he loved her.  It felt as though he embraced every part of her—even the insecurities that haunted her. In his eyes, she felt seen, valued, and truly alive. Life burst with joy and possibility, and she believed Ryan was her happiness. But beneath his radiant facade, a darker side soon emerged.

The Slow Shift from Love to Control

Over time, Ryan’s affection turned to irritation and criticism. His once-loving words became sharp, cutting into Allie’s confidence. He began controlling her decisions—where she went, what she did, even how she thought. He’d talk about “working things out,” but that always meant she  had to change. She found herself tiptoeing around his reactions, compromising her boundaries to avoid his anger, which terrified and confused her. When she stood her ground, Ryan pushed back harder, his words echoing her deepest fears, sometimes screaming that she wasn’t enough.

Their relationship became one-sided: Ryan took, and Allie gave. At times, he acted like a controlling parent, reducing her to a frightened child. Other times, he was the wounded child, demanding endless reassurance that she loved him and wouldn’t leave. Allie tried so hard to understand and please him, but conflict and pain seemed inevitable. She felt like she was losing her grip on reality: events she vividly recalled, he claimed never happened. His denial made her question her own truth, leaving her feeling unmoored. Yet, the fleeting memories of his rare warmth, vulnerability, and charm kept her tethered to him. Like an addict, she chased the fading highs of their early days.

Doubt and Exhaustion

Desperate for clarity, Allie sought advice from friends and family. Was this normal? Don’t all relationships have challenges? She was terrified of giving up too soon, of returning to a life without him. So, she buried her doubts and poured her heart into making it work. But Ryan accused her of not trying hard enough, while she exhausted herself to keep them afloat. She couldn’t stop wondering: should love feel this painful?

Breaking points came and went, each one chipping away at Allie’s spirit. Deep down, she knew staying with Ryan would leave her a shell of herself. Leaving felt unbearable.  However, when the final breaking point hit, Allie found the courage to choose herself—her emotional safety, happiness, wellbeing. It was agonizing, but she knew it was the only way to save herself.

Reclaiming Her Strength

The pain of leaving Ryan was overwhelming. She couldn’t imagine it ever hurting less. But in a quiet corner of her mind, a flicker of hope whispered that things would get better. And they did. Slowly, Allie rebuilt her life, rediscovering her power and pride in her resilience. That toxic relationship became a profound teacher, guiding Allie toward self-love and strength.

Words can’t fully capture the pain of living this experience. If any part of Allie’s story resonates with you, please know this: you are worthy of a partner who is kind, respectful, and uplifting. You are worthy of LOVE. Relationships are not always easy, but it should be a partnership, a healthy give-and-take—not a one-sided drain.

A Message of Hope

If you’re trapped in a similar dynamic, trust that you have the strength within you to choose yourself. The path to healing can be rocky, but it leads to a life where you can thrive, not just survive. You deserve to feel safe, seen, and whole.

We’re here to connect you with a therapist who can help you break free from the cycle of abuse. Contact us at (866) 522-2472.

Is A.D.H.D. Misunderstood? New Data and Perspective on Diagnosis and Treatment

The below is based on an article by Paul Tough. It was published on April 13, 2025 in the New York Times Magazine.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (A.D.H.D.) diagnoses are at an all-time high, with 11.4% of American children—7 million kids—carrying the label in 2023, a sharp rise from 2 million in the 1990s. Alongside this surge, prescriptions for stimulant medications like Ritalin and Adderall have skyrocketed, increasing 58% from 2012 to 2022. But as the numbers climb, a growing chorus of experts is questioning whether we’ve been approaching A.D.H.D. correctly, challenging the assumption that it’s a purely biological disorder requiring a medical fix.

The Rise of A.D.H.D. and the M.T.A. Study

In the early 1990s, James Swanson, a research psychologist at UC Irvine, found himself at the center of a contentious debate. The Church of Scientology was protesting Ritalin, the go-to A.D.H.D. medication, accusing psychiatry of “drugging kids.” At the time, A.D.H.D. diagnoses doubled from under a million in 1990 to over two million by 1993, with most children prescribed Ritalin. Swanson, believing 3% of kids had A.D.H.D., saw this as appropriate.

To address questions about Ritalin’s efficacy, Swanson led the Multimodal Treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (M.T.A.) study, a landmark trial comparing stimulants, behavioral therapy, and combined approaches. Initial results in 1999 showed Ritalin significantly reduced symptoms after 14 months compared to behavioral therapy alone, cementing its use. However, by 36 months, all groups—including those without treatment—had similar symptom levels, revealing no long-term behavioral benefits. Worse, children on Ritalin grew about an inch shorter on average, a gap that persisted into adulthood.

Swanson, now 80, is troubled by these findings and the A.D.H.D. field’s direction. “There are things about the way we do this work that just are definitely wrong,” he says.

Challenging the Medical Model

The traditional view of A.D.H.D. as a fixed, brain-based disorder—often compared to “diabetes of the brain”—is losing ground. Edmund Sonuga-Barke, a researcher at King’s College London, notes a disconnect: “We have a clinical definition of A.D.H.D. that is increasingly unanchored from what we’re finding in our science.” Despite decades of searching, no reliable biological marker (like a brain scan or genetic test) confirms A.D.H.D. as a distinct condition. The 2017 Enigma Consortium study, for instance, found negligible brain differences in A.D.H.D. patients, undermining claims of a clear neurological basis.

Sonuga-Barke argues A.D.H.D. symptoms exist on a continuum, not as a binary “you have it or you don’t” condition. Environmental factors—like trauma, anxiety, or an unsuitable setting—can mimic or exacerbate symptoms, complicating diagnosis. Over 75% of kids with A.D.H.D. have another mental health condition, such as anxiety or a learning disorder, blurring the lines further.

Medication’s Limits

Stimulants like Ritalin and Adderall, rooted in a 1937 discovery by psychiatrist Charles Bradley, remain the standard treatment. They often produce striking short-term behavioral improvements, described by researcher F. Xavier Castellanos as “almost mystical.” Yet, studies consistently show they don’t enhance academic performance. A 2023 study by Elizabeth Bowman found adults on stimulants worked harder on cognitive tasks but performed no better than those on placebos. A 2022 study by William Pelham Jr. showed similar results in children: better behavior, but no learning gains.

Why do families still rely on these drugs? Research by Martha Farah suggests stimulants boost confidence and motivation, making boring tasks feel engaging. As sociologist Scott Vrecko found, students describe falling “in love” with their work on Adderall, not because it sharpens their intellect but because it makes tedious tasks tolerable—a phenomenon historically seen in soldiers, housewives, and truckers using amphetamines to endure monotony.

But the downsides are significant. Beyond growth suppression, stimulants carry risks of addiction and, per a 2024 study, tripled odds of psychosis or mania at medium doses. Many teens, like “Cap” and “John,” dislike the emotional flattening or appetite loss, often stopping medication outside school. Cap used Ritalin situationally for SAT prep and baseball, while John felt “completely regular” without Adderall in summer, highlighting A.D.H.D.’s context-driven nature.

A New Perspective: Environment Matters

Recent M.T.A. studies reveal A.D.H.D. symptoms fluctuate over time, with only 11% of diagnosed kids showing consistent symptoms year after year. Margaret Sibley notes that 40% of non-A.D.H.D. kids in the study later met diagnostic criteria, suggesting environmental changes—like a demanding school—can trigger symptoms. A.D.H.D., it seems, isn’t always a fixed disorder but a condition shaped by context.

In 2016, M.T.A. researchers interviewed young adults who had A.D.H.D. as kids. Many reported their symptoms vanished after finding a “niche”—a career or study path aligning with their interests, like film, hairstyling, or auto repair. These environments, whether cognitively demanding or hands-on, felt “intrinsically interesting,” reducing distraction. Sibley found symptoms often improved during high-demand periods, challenging the idea that A.D.H.D. worsens under pressure.

Sonuga-Barke proposes a new model: A.D.H.D. symptoms signal a mismatch between a person’s biology and environment, not a brain defect. He advocates building supportive settings—like engaging schools or jobs—over relying solely on medication. This approach, he argues, improves mental health and self-esteem, reducing the stigma of being “defective.”

The Stigma of Diagnosis

Labeling A.D.H.D. a “brain disorder” can backfire. While some families find a diagnosis empowering, Luise Kazda’s 2021 review found it often increases shame and isolation, fostering an identity tied to prejudice. Sonuga-Barke’s model, by contrast, frames A.D.H.D. as a trait on a spectrum, encouraging families to explore environmental tweaks—like a new school—or address co-occurring issues like anxiety, alongside medication if needed.

A Path Forward

Rethinking A.D.H.D. as a contextual condition requires flexibility from families and doctors, but it offers hope. It aligns with science showing symptoms aren’t fixed and empowers kids to see themselves as “different, not defective.” For some, medication may help navigate tough environments; for others, finding the right niche could be transformative. As Sonuga-Barke reflects from his own A.D.H.D. journey—thriving in college after struggling in school—the key is creating a world that fits the unique wiring of each mind.

Paul Tough is a contributing writer for The New York Times Magazine, focusing on education and child development for over two decades.

Managing ADHD in Adults: Understanding Symptoms and Coping Strategies

Living with ADHD as an adult can feel like navigating a maze with moving walls. You might struggle to finish tasks, stay organized, or find the motivation others seem to access effortlessly. If you’ve ever felt guilt or frustration over incomplete projects or restless energy, you’re not alone. Adult ADHD is real, and while it presents challenges, there are practical ways to work with your brain to thrive. Let’s explore what ADHD looks like in adults and share strategies to manage its symptoms effectively.

What Is Adult ADHD?

ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) isn’t just a childhood condition. While many are diagnosed as kids, symptoms often persist into adulthood, and some people aren’t diagnosed until later in life. Adult ADHD can manifest as difficulty focusing, impulsivity, or restlessness, but it’s not always the “hyperactive” stereotype. There are three main types:

• Predominantly Inattentive: Struggling with focus, organization, or completing tasks.

• Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive: Acting on impulse or feeling restless.

• Combined: A mix of both inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive symptoms.

For most adults, ADHD symptoms don’t vanish entirely, but they can evolve. You might not be climbing furniture like you did as a kid, but you could find yourself restless, bored, or jumping between projects without finishing them.

Common Symptoms of Adult ADHD

Here’s how ADHD might show up in your daily life:

• Inattention:

  • Making careless mistakes due to trouble focusing on details.

  • Struggling to stay focused during work, conversations, or leisure.

  • Seeming to “tune out” when spoken to directly.

  • Having difficulty following through on instructions or finishing tasks.

  • Struggling to organize tasks, time, or belongings.

  • Avoiding tasks requiring sustained mental effort, like paperwork.

  • Frequently losing items like keys, wallets, or phones.

  • Getting easily distracted by external stimuli or wandering thoughts.

  • Forgetting daily responsibilities, like appointments or bills.

• Hyperactivity and Impulsivity:

  • Feeling restless or fidgety, like you can’t sit still.

  • Interrupting others or blurting out thoughts impulsively.

  • Struggling to wait your turn in conversations or situations.

  • Starting new projects before finishing existing ones.

  • Seeking constant stimulation or novelty.

These symptoms can lead to frustration, low self-esteem, or challenges in relationships and work. But understanding them is the first step to managing them.

Coping Strategies for Adult ADHD

There’s no one-size-fits-all cure for ADHD, but you can harness your brain’s unique wiring—its love for novelty, creativity, and energy—to build a more productive and fulfilling life. Here are practical strategies to cope with ADHD symptoms:

1. Embrace Your Strengths

The ADHD mind thrives on excitement and creativity. Instead of fighting it, lean into it. Approach tasks from fresh angles or use new tools to make routine work feel engaging. For example, if paperwork feels daunting, try gamifying it with a timer or colorful organization apps to spark interest.

2. Break Tasks Into Small Steps

Big goals can feel overwhelming. Break them into bite-sized, actionable steps and commit to one small action daily. For instance, instead of “organize my desk,” start with “sort one drawer today.” Small wins build momentum and make larger goals feel achievable.

3. Set Realistic Goals

Dream big, but start small. Setting unattainable goals can lead to frustration. Instead, create specific, measurable targets—like “spend 10 minutes on emails each morning.” Consistently hitting small goals fosters habits that pave the way for bigger successes.

4. Create Structure and Routines

ADHD brains often resist rigid routines, but flexible structure can help. Use tools like planners, apps, or visual reminders to stay on track. For example, set phone alarms for key tasks or use a whiteboard for daily priorities. Keep routines simple to avoid overwhelm.

5. Minimize Distractions

Identify what pulls your focus—phone notifications, noisy environments, or cluttered spaces—and take steps to reduce them. Try noise-canceling headphones, turn off non-essential notifications, or designate a distraction-free workspace for important tasks.

6. Use Timers and Time-Blocking

Time management can be tough with ADHD. Techniques like the Pomodoro method (working for 25 minutes, then taking a 5-minute break) can keep you focused. Time-blocking—assigning specific time slots to tasks—also helps you stay on track without feeling trapped.

7. Seek Support

You don’t have to navigate ADHD alone. Consider working with a therapist, coach, or support group specializing in ADHD. They can offer tailored strategies and accountability. If appropriate, consult a healthcare provider about medication options, which can help manage symptoms for some.

8. Practice Self-Compassion

ADHD can make you feel like you’re falling short, but beating yourself up drains energy. Accept your limitations and focus on what you can do. Celebrate progress, no matter how small, and remind yourself that ADHD is a neurological difference, not a personal failure.

Turning Challenges Into Opportunities

Adult ADHD can make life feel like a constant juggling act, but it also comes with unique strengths—like creativity, enthusiasm, and out-of-the-box thinking. By understanding your symptoms and experimenting with strategies that align with your brain’s wiring, you can turn challenges into opportunities. Over time, you’ll build systems and habits that help you tackle daily tasks and pursue your goals with confidence.

If you’re struggling, know that you’re not alone, and small changes can make a big difference. Start with one strategy, tweak it to fit your life, and watch how your ADHD mind can shine.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Explore ADHD-friendly tools like task apps (e.g., Todoist, Trello) or connect with a professional to create a personalized plan. Your journey with ADHD is unique—embrace it, and find what works for you!

A toxic dance: Empaths and Narcissists in love

The dynamic between an empath and a narcissist is often described as a magnetic yet destructive dance. Empaths, with their deep capacity for understanding and absorbing others’ emotions, are naturally drawn to narcissists, who thrive on attention and admiration. This relationship, while initially compelling, can become a breeding ground for emotional turmoil and abuse. Let’s explore the characteristics of both, why they’re drawn to each other, and the challenges they face.

Understanding the Empath

Empaths are highly sensitive individuals who feel emotions deeply—both their own and those of others. They are often compassionate, intuitive, and driven by a desire to help or heal. Key traits include:

• Emotional attunement: They sense others’ feelings, often taking them on as their own.

• Selflessness: Empaths prioritize others’ needs, often at their own expense.

• Intuitive insight: They can read situations and people with remarkable accuracy.

These qualities make empaths natural caregivers, but they also leave them vulnerable to those who seek to exploit their kindness.

Understanding the Narcissist

Narcissists are characterized by a seemingly insatiable need for validation, a sense of entitlement, and a lack of genuine empathy. Their traits, often associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), include:

• Grandiosity: An inflated sense of self-importance.

• Need for admiration: They crave constant attention and validation.

• Lack of empathy: They struggle to understand or care about others’ feelings.

Narcissists tend to display charm and confidence, which many find captivating. Empaths, highly sensitive to emotional needs, are drawn to the hidden fragility and insecurity beneath this facade.

The Attraction: A Perfect Storm

The empath-narcissist relationship is fueled by complementary needs. The narcissist’s charisma and confidence draw the empath in, who sees someone in need of love or healing. The empath’s nurturing nature feeds the narcissist’s desire for admiration, creating an initial sense of harmony. However, this dynamic is rarely sustainable.

• The empath’s pull: Empaths believe they can “fix” or save others, and a narcissist’s outward confidence may mask insecurities that the empath feels compelled to soothe.

• The narcissist’s pull: Narcissists are drawn to empaths because they provide an endless supply of attention, validation, and emotional support.

This mutual attraction creates a powerful bond, but it tilts heavily in the narcissist’s favor.

A Toxic Cycle

After the initial euphoria wears off, narcissists like to use put-downs as a deliberate tactic to gain control over their partners, leveraging criticism to undermine their confidence and independence. By belittling their partner’s achievements, appearance, or worth, they create a power imbalance, fostering dependency and self-doubt. These subtle or overt insults—ranging from mocking comments to dismissive behaviors—are designed to keep the partner seeking approval, thus reinforcing the narcissist’s dominance. This manipulation feeds the narcissist’s need for admiration while eroding the partner’s sense of self, trapping them in a cycle of emotional reliance.

Their toxic cycle is marked by:

• Emotional drain: The narcissist’s demands exhaust the empath’s energy.

• Manipulation: Tactics like gaslighting and blame-shifting leave the empath questioning their reality.

• Loss of self: The empath’s identity fades as their needs are sidelined.

• Power imbalance: The narcissist’s need for control overshadows the empath’s desire to please.

Over time, the empath feels trapped and exhausted, while the narcissist grows frustrated by their depleted partner’s growing inability to meet their needs.

Breaking the Cycle

For empaths, breaking free from a narcissist’s grip requires self-awareness and boundary-setting. Here are some steps to consider:

1. Recognize the pattern: Understanding the narcissist’s behavior and its impact is the first step toward change.

2. Set boundaries: Empaths must learn to prioritize their own needs and say “no” to excessive demands.

3. Seek support: Therapy or support groups can help empaths rebuild their sense of self and learn healthy coping mechanisms.

4. Limit contact: Reducing or cutting contact with the narcissist may be necessary to regain emotional balance.

For narcissists, change is more challenging, as self-awareness is often limited. However, therapy can help address underlying insecurities and foster healthier relationships.

Can it Work?

In rare cases, with mutual effort and professional support, an empath and a narcissist might find a healthier balance. This requires the narcissist to acknowledge their behavior and work toward change, while the empath maintains strong boundaries. More often, however, the relationship remains unsustainable without significant personal growth from both parties.

Final Thoughts

The empath-narcissist dynamic is a complex interplay of emotional giving and taking. While the initial connection can feel electric, it usually leads to pain and imbalance. For empaths, recognizing their worth and learning to protect their energy is key. For narcissists, self-reflection and a willingness to grow can pave the way for healthier connections. Understanding this relationship dynamic can help both parties navigate their interactions with greater clarity and self-awareness.

If you’re feeling stuck in a harmful relationship dynamic, we’re here to help you find support. Connect with one of our therapists by calling us at (866) 522-2472.

Joining us July 7: Kelly Dodson, MA

We are thrilled to announce that Kelly Dodson will be joining our team soon!

Kelly understands that sometimes we feel overwhelmed by the ups and downs of life, like a kaleidoscope of shifting emotions and experiences. Whether you’re an adult trying to have everything "figured out," a teenager navigating daily pressures, or a college student juggling school and life, it can be a lot to handle. Kelly’s approach to therapy is person-centered and strengths based, emphasizing that the client has within them the resources needed to overcome life’s challenges; it is a matter of uncovering and utilizing these skills. She has a personable, easy-going mindset and utilizes skills such as mindfulness, motivational interviewing, and reflective listening to hold space for clients to change in their own way and at a pace that is comfortable for them.

Kelly graduated with her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from the University of North Georgia and then continued on to receive a master’s degree in Professional Counseling from Liberty University. In her spare time Kelly loves to read, write, spend time outdoors, and spend time with her family and three cats. Kelly is receiving clinical supervision from a qualified, licensed supervisor until completion of full licensure.  

Anger: undermining strength and connection

Anger is a complex emotion. When directed at us, it feels uncomfortable, even threatening. Yet, when we experience it ourselves, it can feel exhilarating—a surge of righteousness that makes us feel superior or powerful. But this power is an illusion. Anger, in fact, erodes our control, clouding our judgment as our brain shifts into fight-or-flight mode. In this state, clear thinking takes a backseat, and we start to see ourselves as victims, blaming others for our distress. This mindset fractures relationships, isolates us from loved ones, and makes others hesitant to approach us with anything that might trigger a reaction.

The Strength of Staying Calm

Think about the people in your life who stay calm under pressure. Their quiet confidence pulls others toward them, radiating strength without effort. Animals can teach us this too. My dog, Mojo, had a commanding presence but rarely reacted to provocation. If a pesky pup annoyed him, he’d respond with a gentle paw, nothing more, and otherwise remained steady. This restraint made him trustworthy. Even people who usually disliked dogs were drawn to him, charmed by his calm, magnetic demeanor. In his entire life, Mojo showed aggression only twice—both times justified, measured, and in tune with the cues around him. His composure earned respect and forged connections, showing that true power comes from self-control.

Another example might be Mike Ehrmantraut from Better Call Saul. He embodies staying focused on what matters. While also deeply flawed, this character’s strength lies in his ability to keep the big picture in view. Mike doesn’t waste energy on petty insults or minor threats. When action is required, he responds decisively, calm and composed, never letting emotions cloud his judgment. This self-control makes him formidable—not through loudness or aggression, but through quiet resolve.

The Power of Managing Anger

Managing anger doesn’t diminish your strength—it amplifies it. By recognizing your internal triggers early, you can distinguish between real threats and mere annoyances. Most of what sparks anger falls into the latter category. When you learn to address these moments calmly, you create space for clearer communication and stronger connections. People relax around you. They listen more attentively because they’re not on edge, bracing for a fight-or-flight response. Over time, you may find that trust flows both ways: you trust others more, and they trust you. You begin to see others as human, just like you, capable of mistakes but also worthy of understanding.

A Simple Way to Start

You can begin managing your anger today, starting with a common trigger: traffic. The next time someone cuts you off, pause and imagine their story. Perhaps they’ve had a rough day—maybe they lost their job or are worried about a sick child. Picture them as someone who, like you, has struggled to feel loved or understood, resorting to aggression as a way to cope. Craft a story rooted in compassion. You’ll be surprised how this shift in perspective softens your reaction. That same compassion you extend outward often returns, fostering kinder thoughts about yourself and others. As you let go of the victim mindset, your life opens up to new possibilities.

By choosing calm over chaos, you reclaim your power and build stronger, more trusting relationships. Start small, stay mindful, and watch how your world transforms.

If you’re seeking help with managing anger, our team is happy to connect you with one of our therapists. Contact us at (866) 522-2472 to get started.

Understanding OCD: Beyond Everyday Language

The word “obsession” gets thrown around a lot these days—like saying you’re “obsessed” with a TV show or a new hobby. But using the term so casually can water down its real meaning, especially when it comes to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). In the mental health world, an obsession isn’t just liking something a lot. It’s a persistent, unwanted thought, urge, or image that barges into your mind and causes serious stress or anxiety.

Similarly, people often jokingly say they’re “so OCD” because they like things neat or organized. But being tidy isn’t the same as having OCD. OCD is a serious condition that involves distressing thoughts and often leads to repetitive behaviors to try to ease the anxiety. Calling someone “OCD” because they like a clean desk can make light of what people with OCD actually go through.

What Obsessions really look like in OCD

To give you a clearer picture, here are some common types of obsessions people with OCD might experience, based on tools like the Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsive Scale (Y-BOCS):

• Worrying you might accidentally hurt someone

• Disturbing or violent images popping into your head

• Fear of causing something terrible, like a car accident or a house fire

• Constant stress about getting sick or spreading germs

• Unwanted sexual thoughts or images

• Worrying about offending your beliefs or morals

• Feeling like everything needs to be “perfectly” right or wrong

• Needing things arranged in a certain way to avoid something bad

• Feeling driven to remember or know specific details

• Fear of saying something wrong or inappropriate

• A nagging need for things to feel “just right”

These aren’t passing thoughts or quirky preferences. They’re intrusive, upsetting, and can make you feel trapped, often pushing you to do things to try to calm the anxiety.

How Compulsions Fit In

With OCD, obsessions often come with compulsions—actions or mental rituals you feel compelled to do to ease the stress from those thoughts. For example, if you’re terrified of germs, you might wash your hands over and over. Or if you’re scared you might harm someone, you might keep checking to make sure you didn’t. These actions might feel like they help for a moment, but they actually keep the cycle of anxiety going, which is why getting professional help is so important.

Evidence Based Treatment for OCD

The good news is OCD can be managed. The most effective treatment is called Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). It works by slowly helping you face your fears without giving in to the compulsions. Over time, this reduces the power of those obsessive thoughts and helps you feel more in control.

Seeking Help

If you or someone you care about is dealing with persistent, upsetting thoughts or feels stuck doing rituals to manage anxiety, it’s worth talking to a professional. Look for a mental health therapist who knows OCD well or has training in treating it. Getting help can make a big difference in feeling better and living life more fully.

We’re here to help you find the right therapist. Call (866) 522-2472 to set up a consultation.

Unraveling Emotional Eating: Why We Eat Our Feelings

Have you ever grabbed a bag of chips after a tough day or reached for chocolate when you’re feeling down? That’s emotional eating—turning to food to cope with feelings like stress, sadness, or boredom, instead of eating because your body needs fuel. Unlike eating to satisfy physical hunger, emotional eating is driven by emotions and can lead to overeating, weight gain, and feelings of guilt or regret.

Here’s the deal: emotional eating is like using food as a cozy blanket to soothe negative emotions. It’s not about enjoying a meal but about finding quick comfort. Research points to several reasons why this happens:

• Strict Dieting: Constantly restricting food can make you more likely to eat when emotions run high.

• Missing Hunger Cues: Some people struggle to tell if they’re truly hungry or full, so they eat based on feelings instead.

• Trouble Expressing Emotions: Known as alexithymia, difficulty identifying or sharing emotions can lead to using food as a coping tool.

• Stress Responses: A disrupted stress system (like the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis) can trigger emotional eating.

• Life and Genetics: Childhood experiences, like inconsistent emotional support, or genetic tendencies can make some people more prone to eating when upset.

Emotional eating is closely tied to mental health, especially depression. When you’re feeling low, you might eat for comfort, which can lead to weight gain. That extra weight can make you feel even worse, creating a hard-to-break cycle.

So, what can you do? Research shows mindful eating—paying full attention to your food and your body’s signals—can help. It’s about enjoying your meals without judgment and recognizing whether you’re eating out of hunger or emotion. Tools like mindfulness practices, journaling, or therapy can also teach you healthier ways to handle stress and emotions.

Easy Ways to Eat Mindfully

Want to try mindful eating? Here are some simple tips to get started:

• Ditch Distractions: Put your phone away, turn off the TV, and focus on your meal. Notice and appreciate the colors, smells, and textures.

• Slow Down: Take small bites and chew slowly, savoring each one like it’s a gourmet treat. Pause to check if you’re still hungry or starting to feel full.

• Check Your Mood: Before eating, ask yourself, “Am I physically hungry, or am I stressed or bored?” This quick check-in can make a big difference.

• Choose Feel-Good Foods: Pick a juicy piece of fruit over a candy bar, or enjoy a smaller portion of your favorite treat—savor every bite!

Mindful eating helps you enjoy food, manage stress, and build healthier habits. It can lead to eating less, feeling fuller, and breaking free from the cycle of emotional eating. Learning to manage emotions is a key part of this journey, helping you feel more in control and confident.

If you’re ready to tackle emotional eating or want tips for healthier ways to cope with stress, we’re here to help! Reach out to us at (866) 522-2472 for support in finding balance and feeling better.

Love, Laughs, and Online Dating Disasters: The Wild Ride of Romance

Picture this: you’re in a new relationship, your heart’s doing somersaults, and you’re practically glowing like a human lightbulb. Love, or even the hint of it, is one of life’s greatest plot twists. A fresh romance can make your mental and physical health do a happy dance, spark hope in the grumpiest of hearts, and light up your life like fireworks. We humans are basically hardwired for connection. Give us joy, devotion, and a partner who laughs at our bad puns, and we’re as satisfied as a cat in a sunbeam. Those early days of a budding romance? Pure magic. Butterflies in your stomach? Check. Anxiety that you might accidentally send a text meant for your bestie to your new crush? Double check.

The Wild World of Modern Dating

Thanks to the internet, finding a date is now as easy as swiping right while binge-watching your favorite show. Dating apps have turned romance into a buffet of options—there’s someone for everyone, from “loves long walks on the beach” to “owns 17 ferrets and a questionable collection of novelty socks.” But let’s not kid ourselves: for every match that seems made in heaven, there’s a profile pic that screams, “I peaked in 2008.” Putting yourself out there is tough, especially if your heart’s been through the wringer. What if they see the real you—the one who sings off-key in the shower and cries at pet adoption commercials? What if they ghost you? Worse, what if you ghost yourself by overthinking every text you send?

But here’s the million-dollar question: What if it all works out? Sure, you can heal and grow solo (props to you, self-love warriors). Relationships form like a science experiment where you mix equal parts vulnerability, hope, and awkward first-date stories. Stick it out past the honeymoon phase—when the rose-tinted glasses come off and you realize your partner leaves dishes in the sink and snores like a lawnmower—and you might just discover transformative magic.

The Partner Pick: Choose Wisely, Laugh Often

A partner won’t “make” you happy. But they can be the cherry on top of your life’s sundae or the soggy lettuce in your sandwich. Trust your gut—it’s like your internal GPS, even if it occasionally leads you to a drive-thru at 2 a.m. A healthy relationship is worth the rollercoaster of worry and uncertainty, like when you’re wondering if they’ll text back or if they’re just “busy.” Pick someone who vibes with your dreams, whether that’s building a cozy life together or a great adventure. But let’s be real: nobody’s perfect. We’re all lovably imperfect—like, “I forgot how to flirt but I’m great at tripping over my own feet” imperfect. Dating is a messy and sometimes hilarious adventure, and wherever you are on the journey—swiping, crying, or sending memes to your crush—it’s all part of the ride.

Surviving the Dating Jungle

So, how do you navigate this jungle of heart emojis and poorly lit selfies? First, embrace the chaos. Dating is not supposed to be easy. Laugh at the bad dates (like the guy who brought his mom to dinner) and learn from the heartbreak (even the one who dumped you via Post-it note). Keep your heart open. Even if you trip over a few duds, you might stumble into someone who thinks your weird laugh is adorable and doesn’t mind that you quote The Office in every conversation.

In the end, dating is about finding someone who sticks around when the going gets tough, and who maybe, just maybe, loves your quirky, imperfect self as much as you’re learning to. So, go forth, brave the swipe-fest, and don’t be afraid to fall. Like a good Wi-Fi signal, love is worth searching for.

If dating feels like a punch to the heart and old fears are popping up like uninvited exes, or you just need a guide through this chaotic swipe-fest, a therapist can be your wingman. Call (866) 522-2472 to book an appointment and tame the wild ride!

Understanding Postpartum Anxiety

While postpartum depression is widely recognized, postpartum anxiety often lingers in the shadows, affecting many new mothers without the same level of awareness. This condition manifests as intense, often overwhelming fears about a baby’s safety, with vivid, intrusive thoughts of harm—such as the baby falling, getting hurt, or even more distressing scenarios like bleeding. These fears can jolt a mother awake from vivid dreams where she’s forgotten something critical to her child’s safety. Everyday stories of accidents or mishaps can amplify these anxieties, leaving new mothers feeling trapped in a cycle of worry. It’s a silent struggle for many, but understanding its signs can be the first step toward relief.

Postpartum anxiety shows up in a variety of mental, emotional, physical, and behavioral symptoms. Mentally, it can bring excessive worry about the baby’s well-being, intrusive thoughts of harm, or relentless generalized anxiety that’s hard to control. Some mothers experience obsessive-compulsive thoughts or sudden panic attacks, paired with feelings of being overwhelmed, irritable, or hopeless. Physically, symptoms might include a racing heart, shortness of breath, nausea, dizziness, muscle tension, or disrupted sleep—even when the baby is resting peacefully. Behaviorally, mothers may avoid certain situations, compulsively check on their baby, or struggle to concentrate, sometimes withdrawing from loved ones. These symptoms can feel isolating, but they’re more common than many realize and don’t reflect a mother’s ability to care for her child.

You are not alone in these fears—they are not omens but simply the mind’s response to the stress and overstimulation of new parenthood. Feeding these thoughts by dwelling on them can deepen the anxiety, but relief is possible. Try acknowledging these fear-based thoughts without following them down the rabbit hole. Breathe deeply, exhaling the worry, and shift your focus to the love and joy your child brings. Engage in small, grounding actions—laugh, move your body, or find a thought that feels lighter. If the anxiety becomes unmanageable, don’t hesitate to seek support. Therapists are equipped to help you navigate this, offering tools to ease the burden and rediscover calm. You’re not failing; you’re human, and help is within reach.

Unveiling the Trap of Avoidance: A Path to Conquer Depression

Have you ever felt so weighed down by depression that the mere thought of getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain? The daily grind—stressors, social interactions, even routine tasks—can sap every ounce of energy, leaving you drained and hopeless. As depression lingers, the world dims: job prospects seem bleak, connections with others fray, and activities that once sparked joy now feel hollow. Life becomes a cycle of exhaustion, with little light at the end of the tunnel.

In these moments, we instinctively gravitate toward comfort. It’s human nature to seek relief, to escape the weight of our struggles. Maybe it’s the allure of staying in bed, where worries can’t touch you for just a little longer. Or perhaps it’s diving into an addictive TV series, letting eight seasons of drama drown out reality. Isolation, too, can feel like a safe cocoon, shielding you from the chaos of the world. These retreats—sleep, binge-watching, solitude—offer a fleeting sense of peace. But what happens when they become daily habits? The harsh truth is, the misery doesn’t vanish. You wake up each morning to the same struggles, unchanged and unrelenting.

This is where avoidance sneaks in, masquerading as a friend. Avoidance is depression’s sly accomplice, offering quick fixes that feel good in the moment but leave you empty in the long run. Picture this: after a painful breakup, you hit the bar to numb the hurt. The next day, you’re not just nursing a hangover but also wrestling with deeper regret and spiraling thoughts—maybe even legal troubles if a DUI enters the picture. Avoidance doesn’t solve problems; it often creates new ones.

Here’s the tricky part: avoidance isn’t always obvious. It can hide in seemingly positive activities. Exercise, for instance, is universally praised as healthy. But what if you’re hitting the gym to dodge a social event or avoid studying for a crucial exam? Suddenly, that “healthy” habit becomes a barrier to progress. The same activity can wear different faces: a nap to recharge for a productive day is worlds apart from a third nap to sidestep a job search. Avoidance is personal, shapeshifting based on your intentions.

But here’s the good news: recognizing avoidance as the enemy is the first step toward breaking free. Enter Behavioral Activation, a powerful therapy that shines a light on these patterns and offers a roadmap to healthier coping. Lost your job? The urge to sleep, vent, or drown your sorrows might be overwhelming. But instead, imagine channeling that energy into action—polishing your resume, scouring job boards, or networking. It’s not easy, especially when you feel defeated. Yet, taking those small, deliberate steps can spark a shift in your mood. Action breeds momentum, and momentum fuels hope.

You don’t have to fight this battle alone. Surrounding yourself with supportive people—friends, family, or a therapist—can keep you accountable and remind you that you’re not defined by your struggles. Waiting for the “perfect” mood to tackle your goals is a trap; start now, and the mood will follow.

Ready to break the cycle? Let’s stop avoiding and start acting. The path out of depression is tough, but every step forward is a victory.

Breaking the Stigma: Why Therapy Is Strength, Not Shame

Let’s talk about something that’s been a bit of a heavy topic for way too long—therapy. I know, I know, there’s this old, stubborn stigma that makes it feel like reaching out for help with our mental health is something to be ashamed of. But honestly, that’s such a shame because we humans? We’re wired for connection. We need each other, like, deep in our bones, to get through life’s ups and downs.

Still, somehow, society has convinced so many of us that we should go it alone. Like, if we just hide our struggles—our pain, our messy emotions, all the stuff that keeps us from feeling truly happy—we’re being strong. But let’s be real: that’s not strength. That’s just pretending, and it doesn’t make the hard stuff disappear. We’re human, not superheroes! Having emotions isn’t a flaw—it’s what makes us, us.

Here’s the thing: when we shove our feelings down, they don’t just vanish. They build up, like toxic gunk, and over time, that can really mess with our wellbeing—and even spill over onto the people we love. But talking to a therapist? It’s like opening a window to let all that heavy stuff out so it doesn’t drag us down. Therapy gives us a safe space to dig into the messy parts of ourselves, to figure out what’s really going on inside. Sometimes, we even uncover old hurts we didn’t realize were dimming our light—and that’s when the healing starts.

There’s nothing wrong with having emotions, and there’s definitely nothing wrong with asking for help to navigate them. Honestly, it takes a lot of guts to say, “I need support,” and I think that’s something pretty amazing. So, let’s ditch the shame and embrace the fact that we’re all in this together, okay?

Loss and Heartbreak

Hey there, losing something or someone dear to you can feel like a punch to the gut, can’t it? Just because they’re gone doesn’t mean your love or care for them vanishes. Grief and loss? They’re heavy, like a weight that makes you want to crawl back under the covers. Whether it’s a breakup, a loved one passing, losing a job, or feeling your health slip, the pain can hit hard.

We get so used to the rhythm of our lives—those familiar faces, routines, or abilities—that when they’re suddenly gone, it’s like our hearts can’t catch up. It’s hard to wrap your head around the fact that what you cherished isn’t there anymore. For some, it’s a quiet ache. For others, it feels like a gaping hole in your chest, so deep you’re scared it’ll swallow you whole if you let yourself feel it. And sometimes, it’s even messier—maybe you’re angry or relieved, and that tangles up with the sadness in ways that make no sense.

But here’s the thing: your heart’s a muscle, and yeah, it can watermark and tear so it can heal stronger. Riding those waves of grief isn’t easy—it’s okay to take it slow, to let yourself feel a little at a time. Be kind to yourself; this stuff is tough. With time, the hurt softens, and you’ll find your footing again, maybe a little changed, but still you.

Joining us in May: Alissa Krueger

Alissa is joining Birch Counseling as a graduate student intern from St. Mary’s University in the Counseling and Psychological Services program. She has over 15 years of experience in diverse administrative roles, collaborating with people from various backgrounds.

Alissa offers a warm, compassionate, and safe space to explore what matters most to clients. She believes every client deserves to feel heard, seen, and validated. She values humor to build connections and create a supportive space for growth.

Alissa works with adults, older adolescents, and couples. She uses an integrative approach that includes aspects of acceptance and commitment therapy, narrative therapy, motivational interviewing, and feminist therapy. As a mother, Alissa has a special interest in supporting individuals experiencing pregnancy and postpartum depression and anxiety. She is passionate about helping new parents navigate the challenges of expanding their family.

In her free time, Alissa enjoys reading at coffee shops, making arts and crafts with her children, and taking advantage of the many Minnesota lakes.  

Coping with Seasonal Affective Disorder in Minnesota

Living in Minnesota, where winters are long and sunlight is scarce, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) can feel like an uninvited guest for many. SAD is more than just disliking the cold—it’s a real condition that affects your mood and energy. The lack of sunlight during those gray, chilly months can lead to Vitamin D deficiency, which disrupts the brain’s ability to produce serotonin and other feel-good chemicals needed to maintain a healthy circadian rhythm.

Brightening Your Winter Days

Fortunately, there are ways to combat the winter blues and keep SAD at bay. Staying active is one of the most effective strategies. Physical activity—whether it’s a brisk walk, hitting the slopes for some winter sports, or simply spending time in nature—can boost your body’s production of serotonin and dopamine, those natural mood-lifters. Connecting with friends or loved ones during these activities can also work wonders for your mental health.

Another helpful tool is a SAD lamp, which mimics natural daylight to lift your mood. While these lamps can brighten your day, they don’t significantly increase Vitamin D production, so supplementation is highly recommended during Minnesota’s sun-starved winters. Consult with a healthcare provider to find the right dosage for you.

SAD in Summer? It Happens.

Though we often associate SAD with cold, dreary winters, it can also strike during the summer months. However, even a brief burst of warmth and sunshine—like those early spring days when the temperature hits 45°F—can feel like a lifeline. In Minnesota, you’ll see folks shedding their coats, donning t-shirts and shorts, and soaking up every ray of sunlight as soon as the weather turns. That hope and joy, which might have felt lost just a day before, start to creep back in, reminding us of the power of light and warmth.

Take the First Step

If you’re struggling with SAD or suspect you might be, you don’t have to face it alone. Our team is here to help. To schedule an appointment with one of our providers, contact our Front Office at 866-522-2472. Let’s work together to bring a little more light into your life, no matter the season.

Recovery Support Group for Men: Brian Rose, MA, LADC

We are excited to reintroduce a men’s therapy group offered by one of our providers, Brian Rose, who recognizes the value in fellowship throughout recovery. He facilitates a safe and collaborative environment for processing amongst peers and encourages participation however individuals find fruitful.

This group takes place every Monday from 5 PM - 6:30 PM, with around three to eight people joining. To promote accessible attendance, sessions are hybrid and fluctuate between in person and virtual. Plus, the cost is significantly less than for individual therapy, usually running under $50 both with and without insurance coverage.

Via his own experience traversing the terrains of recovery, Brian found his calling aiding those walking a similar path. Brian strives to be versatile in his approach and incorporates hope, insight, and perspective, as up to 60% of a client’s outcome in therapy is tied directly with the relationship with their therapist. For more details or to register for Brian’s group, call our Front Desk at (866) 522-2472, ext. 0. The Birch Counseling Team looks forward to supporting you in your healing journey!

Welcoming in January: Dave Smallen, PhD

After nearly a decade exploring the human condition as a social scientist and educator, Dave Smallen (he/him) is joining Birch Counseling as a clinical intern. People who know Dave well describe him as empathetic, curious, enthusiastic, and nonjudgmental. His perspective is that psychological struggles will arise for all of us sometime in life, and that with appropriate support these challenges can paradoxically become the gateway to meaningful growth and new seasons of fulfillment.

Dave is especially informed by existential, person-centered, family systems, feminist, and mindfulness approaches. He is interested in advocating for adults of all backgrounds and identities in deepening their self-knowledge, growing their capacity to live into joy and cope effectively with emotional pain, cultivating mutually supportive relationships, and aligning their everyday lives with their larger purpose—Journeys that he is dedicated to in his own life. 

Dave’s professional experience bridges the arts and sciences. Dave’s first career was as a working musician and he continues to nurture an artistic practice. He holds a PhD in Human Development and Family Studies from University of Wisconsin-Madison, and has published academic papers and studies related to meaningful social connection, responsive relationships, and mindfulness practice. He is currently completing a master’s degree in clinical mental health counseling from Minnesota State University-Moorhead.

Welcoming in August: Madison Garnhardt, MA

Madison (she/her) is a graduate student at Walden University in their Clinical Mental Health Counseling program. She is passionate about working with young children and their families, adolescents, and young adults. As a queer therapist, Madison has a special interest in working with fellow members of the LGBTQIA+ community and those who support queer rights. 

Madison uses a client-centered approach to support clients with empathy, compassion, and understanding of their worldview. Along with this, Madison utilizes mindfulness to help clients connect their physical and emotional reactions to what is happening in their life.

When not working or studying, Madison spends her time reading, playing with her pets, or hanging out at local coffee shops and book stores.

Welcoming in July: Christy Dauner, MSW, LGSW

While helping individuals suffering from chronic pain for over 30 years as an occupational therapist, Christy realized that to better help her patients heal from their physical pain she needed to learn how to fully address their psychological challenges. After putting both of her children through college she decided it was her turn and earned a Master of Social Work degree from Minnesota State University in Mankato two years later. Christy has a strong passion for helping those in need, for human connection, and for lifelong learning. She enjoys helping couples, families and individuals at all stages of life achieve improved emotional wellbeing, healthier relationships and greater resiliency. She uses a compassionate, culturally sensitive approach while respecting every individual’s autonomy.

Welcoming in June: Maddy Fiksdal, MA

Maddy has experience working in various roles and settings with adults and adolescents. She graduated with a master’s degree in Counseling for Co-Occurring Disorders from Hazelden Betty Ford Graduate School of Addiction Studies. She is a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor (LADC) and is currently under supervision while working toward Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) licensure.

Maddy is passionate about working with individuals ages 15+ who are experiencing trauma, addiction, anxiety and particularly enjoys working members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Maddy uses a person-centered lens and brings curiosity, empathy, compassion, and humor to her work. She creates a safe environment and builds strong therapeutic relationships. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) interventions are frequently used tools. Maddy is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).

Outside of work, Maddy enjoys spending time with friends and family. She loves crossword puzzles, watching movies, and reading. Maddy enjoys rock climbing and tries to be outdoors as much as possible.