How to deal with a teen with a drinking problem

With the recent court case regarding “Affluenza,” or the wealthy teen with a drinking problem, plus more stories daily about teen drinking, it’s important to review what a parent can do to help curb problem drinking.

First and foremost, it’s important to remain calm when confronting your teen. Explain your concerns and make it clear that your concern comes from a place of love and support. And make sure everyone is sober during this discussion.

Create and Enforce Rules and Consequences
Your teen should understand that drinking alcohol comes with specific consequences. Do not make hollow threats or rules you can’t enforce. Make sure your spouse agrees and is prepared to enforce them.

Monitor activity
Explain that your teen will have a lack of privacy as a consequence of using alcohol. Monitor the location, activities and friends of your teen. Routinely check hiding places for alcohol in your home.

Encourage healthy interests and activities
Expose your teen to healthy hobbies and activities, such as team sports, Scouts, and after school clubs.
 
Discuss potential underlying issues
Drinking can be the result of other problems. Is your child having trouble fitting in? Has there been a recent major change, like a move or divorce, which is causing stress?
 
Get help
It takes a village to raise a child. Teens often don’t listen to parents, but if another authority figure says the same thing, they may be more inclined to listen. Try seeking help from a sports coach, family doctor, therapist, or counselor.

Denial about Problem Drinking

One of the biggest hurdles for a problem drinker to overcome is denial. It leads to rationalization, because the desire to drink is so strong. Denial stops a problem drinker from getting help and exacerbates alcohol-related problems with work, finances, and relationships.
 
While work, relationship, and financial stresses happen to everyone, an overall pattern of deterioration and blaming others may be a sign of trouble.
 
Common Rationalizations
Drastically underestimating how much you drink
Downplaying the negative consequences of your drinking
Complaining that family and friends are exaggerating the problem
Blaming your drinking or drinking-related problems on others

If you find yourself rationalizing your drinking habits, lying about them, or refusing to discuss the subject, take a moment to consider why you’re so defensive. If you truly believe you don’t have a problem, there should be no reason for you to cover up your drinking or make excuses.
 
You can always find support from friends, family or a trusted therapist.

How to support a loved one with alcoholism or alcohol abuse

Living with a loved one’s alcohol problem can be an emotional roller coaster. First and foremost, it’s vital that you take care of yourself and get support. You will need to have people you can talk honestly and openly with about the situation.
 
Truths about Alcoholism, Alcohol Abuse and Recovery

• You cannot force someone to stop abusing alcohol. The choice is theirs alone.
• A problem drinker cannot stop drinking without help.
• Recovery is an ongoing process that requires time and patience. The underlying problems that led to the problem drinking take time to unpack.
• You’re not alone. Alcoholism and alcohol abuse affects millions of people from every social class, race, and culture.

 
DON’T
When supporting a problem drinker, there are many things you shouldn’t do.

Don't attempt to punish, threaten, bribe, or preach.

Don’t use emotional appeals. They may increase feelings of guilt and the compulsion to drink or use other drugs.

Don't cover up or make excuses for the alcoholic or problem drinker.

Don't take over their responsibilities, leaving them with no sense of importance or dignity.
 
Don't hide or dump bottles, throw out drugs, or shelter them from situations where alcohol is present.
 
Don't argue with the person when they are impaired.
 
Don't drink with the problem drinker.
 
Don't feel guilty or responsible for their behavior.
 
DO
Do seek help from a group like Alcoholics-Anonymous.
 
Do seek out trusted friends, a therapist, or people in your faith community.
 
Do get help. You need support, too.