You’ve dated plenty, yet it seems like you’re getting nowhere. You’re frustrated, feeling stuck.
How can you make your dates more successful, how can you find someone to build a good relationship?
Ask yourself these four questions, and answer them honestly:
1. Are you feeling good about yourself?
Before worrying about others, take care of yourself first.
When you feel good about yourself, confidence follows. And, people like to be around confident people because confidence communicates that a person knows who they are and accepts himself or herself as they are. Nothing boisterous or attention seeking, just being comfortable in your own skin shows confidence, and people take notice.
If you’re not feeling good about yourself, take some time to identify the reason why. It could be as simple as missing important daily routines like working out or talking to a good friend.
If you can’t identify the cause, consult a therapist. It could be a symptom of an undiagnosed issue.
2. What messages am I sending?
Words carry weight, but our body language says even more.
55 percent of our communication is about body language, 38 percent is tone, and only 7 percent are the words we choose.
And together, body language and tone what communicates confidence. If you’re feeling anxious or nervous, it will show through even the best poker face.
If you’re worried about the messages you’re sending, don’t. Send your focus towards working on feeling good about yourself and your confidence will be seen in your body language and tone.
3. Are you smiling?
There’s a lot of science to back this up, but the idea is simple, and one you can test yourself anytime: people like people who are smiling.
Scientists have found that the fear center of our brain is activated when we see strangers who are not smiling. They don’t even have to scowl; all they have to do is show a neutral expression and we will feel uneasy in their presence. A smile is that powerful.
A smile can be faked, but a genuine smile starts with making sure you feel good about yourself. So remember to always work on that first.
4. Are you a good listener?
If you’re ever worried about having enough to talk about on a date, don’t worry. People like listeners.
Asking good questions and demonstrating genuine listening is far more important to connecting with someone than what you say. Listening communicates interest in another person. You can do this by asking relevant and open-ended questions to continue the conversation.
If you feel your listening skills could use a boost, read Don Gabor’s book “How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends.”
And if you take away one thing from this post, it’s this:
When in doubt, work on making sure you feel good about yourself. Everything else will follow in time.
And, if you feel you need more help, don’t be afraid to ask for it, from a friend, family, or a trusted therapist.